IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Too much money is spent on looking after repairing olg buildings. They should be knocked down and we should build modern insteads. Do you agree or disagree?

#money #olg #buildings #insteads
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It is commonly believed that an excessive amount of
money
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that is
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 spent on renovating and developing ancient
buildings
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 should
instead
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 be spent on building modern
buildings
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.Well, developing modern premises is indeed important,yet renovating old
buildings
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 is in my opinion more important. Old
buildings
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 are not just
buildings
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, but
history
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 that future generations should have knowledge about.By keeping these
buildings
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 with no care and development, our future kids will not understand their
history
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 and the culture they are living in.
Moreover
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,these
buildings
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 should consistently
get
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be
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 taken care of,and
money
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 should be spent on repairing them so that we don't lose our identity and
history
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.
For example
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,kids who didn't get the chance to learn about the
history
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 behind these ancient premises will be able to understand their identity more if
money
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 was spent to renovate these
buildings
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.
On the other hand
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,with industrialization, the development of cities,and the ongoing increase in population modern
buildings
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 should indeed be constructed to serve the citizens with the services needed
,
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apply
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and contribute to a modernized and industrialized city.
However
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,the construction of
buildings
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 has a lot of negative environmental consequences,
such
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 as pollution which will affect the health of the people. In conclusion,the advantages of spending
money
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 on the renovation of ancient premises outweigh the advantages of constructing new ones, so
money
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 should be spent on developing the ancient
buildings
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,rather than spending on constructing modern
buildings
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.
Submitted by muneeraalnoaimi07 on

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task achievement
To improve clarity, try to separate your paragraphs more distinctly, each focusing on one main point with topic sentences leading them off.
task achievement
See if you can include more specific examples to elaborate on how ancient buildings contribute to cultural identity and education.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas better throughout, transitioning smoothly between points with connective words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
You've presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which neatly frame your argument.
task achievement
There's a clear stance presented, and you've managed to address and acknowledge the opposing viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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