IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

19.Goverments investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Goverments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that public funds should be allocated solely to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
services
Use synonyms
 not
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
extracurricular
Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as arts.
However
Linking Words
, I acknowledge that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
services
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as public transportation, healthcare and infrastructures are
vital
Add an article
the vital
show examples
domain
Fix the agreement mistake
domains
show examples
 of government investment, but I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
art
Use synonyms
 should
be come
Change to the active voice
come
have come
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
attention
Add an article
the attention
show examples
 of nations as it helps to
well-being
Add an article
the well-being
show examples
 of societies. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, in my point of view, authorities should invest the major proportion of public money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 three
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 including
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
, metro and trains ,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be a solution for both air pollution and traffic congestion in metropolises.
by
Capitalize word
By
show examples
investment
Replace the word
investing
show examples
 in eco-friendly public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
,
Correct article usage
the governmena
show examples
governmena
Correct your spelling
government
 can address
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environment conservation,
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 healthy planet
srve
Correct your spelling
serve
bether
Correct your spelling
better
 to its inhabitants.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 domain
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should not only include public hospitals and health education systems but
also
Linking Words
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
preventative
Replace the word
prevention
show examples
 and treatments.
Lastly
Linking Words
, infrastructures
such
Linking Words
 as new roads, bridges,
public
Correct word choice
and public
show examples
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
show examples
 is the other essential
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 for public funding.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think governments should pay
mony
Correct your spelling
money
 for promoting the arts
such
Linking Words
 as music, theatre and
art
Use synonyms
 fairs and encourage their nations to contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend. From
perspectives
Correct article usage
the perspectives
show examples
 of some people, investment in
art
Use synonyms
 is a waste of public money. They believe, governments should neglect the extra
programes
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
,
whereas
Linking Words
 there is a
demanding
Replace the word
demand
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 public
services
Use synonyms
. I personally
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 disagree with the notion of
this
Linking Words
 group, since I think
art
Use synonyms
 helps people to
metigate
Correct your spelling
mitigate
 their emotional
disease
Change the noun form
diseases
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety,
deppresion
Correct your spelling
depression
 and stress. In
high-speed
Correct article usage
a high-speed
show examples
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 helps society’s well-being
while
Linking Words
offers
Wrong verb form
offering
show examples
a balanced nations
Correct the article-noun agreement
balanced nations
a balanced nation
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I think
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can offer some part of
Use synonyms
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 events’ cost
while
Linking Words
 another portion of expensive offers by volunteers. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 allocating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public funds to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
services
Use synonyms
 plays
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crucial
roles
Fix the agreement mistake
role
show examples
 in gaining the
consents
Fix the agreement mistake
consent
show examples
 of most folks, governments should
devocate
Correct your spelling
advocate
devote
 some part of public funds
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 domain, as it helps in increasing the mental health of societies.

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task achievement
Try to develop your examples and points further to clearly illustrate your arguments. Use more specific examples to support your ideas, which can make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to revise and refine the language and grammar in your essay. Pay attention to sentence structure and word choice to make your writing clearer and more precise.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear opinion on the topic, offering a balanced view on government investment in arts and public services.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are addressed, giving the essay a well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, enhancing readability and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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