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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
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In today's volatile world, rivalry can be found everywhere and in a different form. It may be at work, in school, on the road, or even in sports. Proponents
highlighting
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 their benefits,
while
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 critics argue that they are not worth the investment.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. On the one hand, organizations can benefit from the competition among members as they will get more professional specialists.
For instance
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, a company implements a rule that would give a high salary and promote high-ranking positions among employees with advanced educational backgrounds
such
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 as master’s degrees and doctorates.
Thus
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, the employees will strive to go back to study
while
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 working to
further
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 their educational attainment,
enhance
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and enhance
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 and gain more skills that can be benefited by both parties.
On the other hand
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, being collaborative can benefit us in almost every aspect of life, be it school, work, daily life, or business. Some jobs require cooperation because it is impossible for a single person to overcome the task. As an example, in hospitals, doctors with different
specialties
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specialities
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 work together during operations because each
specialty
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speciality
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 has specific knowledge and skills needed to perform the procedures. Cooperation focuses
everyone's
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on everyone's
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 contribution.
To sum up
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, competition is important in looking for
skillful
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skilful
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 workers;
however
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, we should not
also
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 overlook the significance of cooperation in attaining goals and a more equitable society.
Submitted by roycelparaiso on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance logical progression by ensuring each paragraph seamlessly transitions to the next. This will provide a more natural flow to your argument.
task achievement
While the essay covers both views well, ensure your opinion is clearly stated in a separate conclusion paragraph for increased clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively presents the topic and outlines both perspectives to be discussed.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are used to illustrate points, especially in discussing competition in organizations and cooperation in hospitals.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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