IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In comparison to the past, the economic level of the world increased
now
Rephrase
apply
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.
Therefore
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 , every citizen has a responsibility to save
money
Use synonyms
 for better future lives. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
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 assumption. In the following paragraph, I will describe the reasons for my belief that saving is more important than spending in today's world
along with
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 examples. on the one hand, people should not waste their
money
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 on buying unnecessary things
such
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 as expensive cars, dresses and watches. By avoiding
this
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, one can save pay.
For example
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, My father is working at a PDO company and his salary
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 more than 1000 Rials per month • Because of his high salary, always he buys precious furniture for our house. After retirement, he was diagnosed with cancer and for treatment, he needed a lot of
money
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 but he didn'
t
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 have enough payment for his medical treatment . At that time, he realised the value of
money
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.
On the other hand
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, people don'
t
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 know anything about future events and what they will face in their lives.
However
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, often of young people should be ready to manage the crises that they might face in the coming days.
For instance
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, one day, my best friend had a terrible accident which resulted in to cancellation of his car. Unfortunately, he didn'
t
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 have sufficient cash to buy a new vehicle to complete his work. Because he was delegated to CCB company.
As a result
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, the citizen must draw
a
Change preposition
up a
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clear plan for their pocket
money
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 and divide it correctly . In conclusion, today everything needs
money
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 whether for your comfort or for your problems. So, when you maintain the
money
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, you will don'
t
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task achievement
Try to expand your ideas more clearly and support them with further elaboration. Some points feel briefly addressed or undeveloped.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains consistent and smooth transitions between ideas to improve the flow of paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structures for stronger expression of ideas.
task achievement
The essay starts with a clear position on the topic and outlines the main reasons for that stance.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support the main points, illustrating the impacts of not saving money.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present, setting the scope and summarizing the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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