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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger?Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 word

#people #amounts #money #complexions #development #word
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Recently, the issue of spending large amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 to look younger has become the subject of heated debate. Some
people
Use synonyms
 assert that charging to conceal their complexions has many advantages,
while
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 others argue
otherwise
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. I wholeheartedly agree with the former stand. In
following
Change the article
the following
show examples
 essay, both views will be discussed before a conclusion is reached with my opinion. On the one hand, those who claim that charging large amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 in order to look younger is excessive do so for several reasons. Proponents of
this
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 argument insist that getting older is natural.
This
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 means that the elderly have beautiful of the age. My opinion,
however
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, is that spending large amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 on their complexions in order
look
Fix the infinitive
to look
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 younger. I guess that
people
Use synonyms
 want to look pretty and beautiful.
In other words
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,
people
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 feel scared about becoming
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older. Perhaps the most compelling reason is that
people
Use synonyms
 can get
confidence
Correct article usage
the confidence
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 to spend their
money
Use synonyms
 on their complexions.
In addition
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, it makes them feel refreshed. Another argument is that most
people
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 get healthy than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past.
For example
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, some
people
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 go to
gym
Add an article
the gym
a gym
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 to stay their shape. To be more specific, they want to not
younger
Rephrase
only younger
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 face
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also
Correct word choice
but also
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 younger
physical
Change the word
physically
show examples
.
To
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According to
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 the research of
the
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apply
show examples
Seoul University, recent
people
Use synonyms
 have more younger physical age than
the
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in the
show examples
 past. In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about
this
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 topic.
However
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, after considering
this
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 matter in a careful manner, I fully support the view that charging to conceal their negative has many benefits.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by clearly organizing your arguments into distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should represent a single main idea or point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction is present and provides a basic framework for the essay. Consider adding a clearer thesis statement to guide the reader on what your essay will convey.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully supported with specific examples or evidence. Providing more details and real-life examples will strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
Make sure to cover all parts of the prompt comprehensively. This includes a deeper exploration of whether the development of spending money to look younger is positive or negative.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Task Achievement
You've touched on relevant points about why people want to look younger, such as societal pressures and self-esteem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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