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Band 5

In some countries around the world, there have been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of homeschooling education outweight this advantages?

Though the trend of homeschooling has been increasing, I don't believe its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, traditional schooling gives
students
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 more
opportnities
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opportunities
 to learn social
skills
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.
Students
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 come in contact with
schoomates
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schoolmates
,
teachers
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, and other
school
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 staff at
school
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, giving them much more exposure to different people than a household could offer.
Students
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 can observe various personalities and characteristics within these people, which helps them learn the fact that everyone is unique, and to respect our differences. They get to figure out how to communicate with each individual to maintain positive relationships with them. Working with others to achieve common goals,
for
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example
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example,
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 conducting group projects
,
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apply
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 could train
students
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' collaborative
skills
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. All of these
skills
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 are essential to a child's personal development, as they will most likely have to cooperate with others in the future,
such
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 as in the workplace and in marriage,
while
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 these
skills
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 could only be gained through exposure and practice.
On the other hand
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,
schools
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 are more abundant in professionals than households. Though some parents are well-educated themselves, it is uncommon that two parents alone could always give answers to satisfy a child's unlimited
curiousity
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curiosity
.
On the contrary
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,
teachers
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 at
school
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 have various areas of expertise.
Students
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 could approach different
teachers
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 to ask different questions and they gain knowledge in multiple aspects from their
teachers
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. Apart from teaching academics,
teachers
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 could
also
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 help
students
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 learn by sharing their personal experiences and providing advice.
Although
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 family members could offer
this
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 too, it would not hurt to let
students
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 see things from some more
persepectives
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perspectives
 before making decisions for themselves.
Last
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 but not least,
schools
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 could provide irreplaceable
resources
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 to
students
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. Most
schools
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recieve
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receive
 funding from the government and
school
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-sponsoring bodies, which
provides
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provide
show examples
students
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 with various learning
resources
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,
such
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 as learning experiences outside the classroom, learning materials, and useful devices.
Schools
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also
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 update
students
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 with the latest learning programmes and activities that the community could offer.
Students
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 do not need to pay much extra money or spend time
on
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apply
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searching to get access to
such
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resources
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,
while
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 parents will most likely have to spend more time and money if they want to find these
resources
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 by themselves. It is definitely a pity to miss these low-cost and convenient learning opportunities.
To sum up
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, traditional schooling gives
students
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 more opportunities to learn social
skills
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, acquire knowledge in various aspects, and get easy access to learning
resources
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.
Although
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 it is not impossible to achieve these through homeschooling, these things happen naturally at
school
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 to a great extent, without much effort.
Therefore
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, I do not think that
advantages
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the advantages
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 of homeschooling outweigh its disadvantages.

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language use
Try to diversify vocabulary even more to demonstrate a higher level of language range.
task achievement
Include specific data, studies, or expert opinions to strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured and clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Each main point is well-developed with supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
Successfully linked ideas with appropriate transitional phrases.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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