IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #government #tax
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Nowadays, in many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 the most important health problems arise because of consuming
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
. To avoid
this
Linking Words
 issue, authorities decided to set a tax on
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
 unhealthy products.
This
Linking Words
 goal might help to reduce the amount of
people
Use synonyms
 who eat more fast
food
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 it helps us to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not waste time
at
Change preposition
in
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 the kitchen. On the one hand, fast
food
Use synonyms
 seems the most convenient way, because it is quicker and cheaper. Students and
people
Use synonyms
 who work would rather
to
Remove the marker
apply
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buy fast products rather than
cooking
Wrong verb form
cook
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 at home since they do not have time to spend
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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on cooking. There are different
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants, and
people
Use synonyms
 can choose which one they like most or just order it in one click.
For example
Linking Words
, the most well-known fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants,
such
Linking Words
 as McDonald's or KFC, have various
menu
Fix the agreement mistake
menus
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 for distinct prices, and they offer home delivery service
so
Correct word choice
as
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 well.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, fast
food
Use synonyms
 contains very chemicals that can impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
, it might lead to gain fat. Desire to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 might stop
people
Use synonyms
to eat
Change preposition
from eating
show examples
 healthy, so some governments decided to make an extra taxation system for fast
food
Use synonyms
 in order to give incentives to
people
Use synonyms
to begin
Linking Words
 eating healthy.
For example
Linking Words
,
Turkish
Add an article
the Turkish
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 government has
alreay
Correct your spelling
already
 started
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 tax project. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 eating fast
food
Use synonyms
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 the amount that
spend
Wrong verb form
is spent
show examples
 on cooking,
people
Use synonyms
 should start eating healthy, that's why countries like Turkey
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 already thought to implement special taxation on unhealthy products.
Submitted by nazrin.ceferova on

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task achievement
Work on providing more detailed and specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to maintain consistency in your argument throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to structuring your paragraphs, ensuring each one contains a clear main point and evidence to support it.
task achievement
You have clearly introduced the topic and provided a conclusion that summarizes your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay discusses both sides of the argument, showing a good grasp of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overconsumption
  • Chronic diseases
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Sin tax
  • Subsidize
  • Affordability
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Paternalism
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Industry lobbying
  • Public health initiatives
  • Consumer behavior
  • Regulatory measures
  • Health-conscious
  • Processed foods
  • Fiscal policy
  • Preventative healthcare
  • Behavioral economics
What to do next:
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