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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that the government should make laws regarding nutrition and healthy lifestyle, while others think that it is a matter of personal responsibility. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #government #laws #nutrition #lifestyle #matter #responsibility
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In some nations, people are getting heavier and standards of
health
Use synonyms
 and well-being are falling. The principal cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem is
peoples'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 sedentary lifestyles and a possible solution is to educate society about the dangers of not keeping fit.In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of
health
Use synonyms
 and fitness are decreasing.Healthy eating is very significant. To balanced diet is crucial for maintaining good
health
Use synonyms
 and energy levels. Benefits of putting laws to become healthier.to commence ,sports provide several benefits to our mental and physical well-being. Engaging in each hobby can reduce stress and improve our mood. It gives us a sense of achievement and boosts our confidence.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone enjoys painting, completing a piece of artwork can be very fulfilling.
Additionally
Linking Words
, hobbies can
also
Linking Words
 help us learn new skills and meet new people with similar interests, which can be very rewarding. Conclusion In conclusion,making laws to
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weight
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 an important part of our lives. They offer us a way to relax and escape from our daily responsibilities by going to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
 . By investing time in our
live style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 we can improve our mental
health
Use synonyms
 and
overall
Linking Words
 happiness.
Therefore
Linking Words
, everyone should find a hobby that they enjoy and make it a regular part of their routine to get
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
healthy.
Submitted by fatma99977 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Begin with an introduction that sets the stage for the discussion, followed by distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint, and conclude with your own opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce more cohesive devices and linking words to smoothly connect your ideas and make the essay flow better.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point, and provide supporting details or examples relevant to that point.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. Expand on why government intervention or personal responsibility might be effective. Use more specific examples to illustrate your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a basic structure.
Task Achievement
You have identified and discussed two viewpoints, showing an understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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