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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbone, Australia for the period of 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbone, Australia for the period of 2000 to 2020.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbone #australia #period
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The given line graph illustrates how many
people
Use synonyms
. In various activities in Melbourne between 2000
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,over the period the first place was
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club with more than 70
people
Use synonyms
 each year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,there are two activities
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
participants
Use synonyms
 number dramatically
rise
Correct subject-verb agreement
rises
show examples
,around the period.Table tennis was stable,
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2000 to 2010 with just above 20,
increased
Correct pronoun usage
which increased
show examples
 to over 50
participants
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,other
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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 like musical performances
starting
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
2005 and since
this
Linking Words
 time
this
Linking Words
 activity
participants
Use synonyms
 number was made up of about
15partic
Correct your spelling
15 participants
.
However
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010 their results will change with their place. On the one hand,amateur dramatics began with approximately 35
people
Use synonyms
significantly
Correct word choice
and significantly
show examples
 declined to a little above 5
people
Use synonyms
 each year. martial arts classes
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 remained the same, with approximately 35
participants
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Submitted by galkalialex on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, participants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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