IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #population #zealand #age #group #formation #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table displays data about the age groups New
Zeland
Correct your spelling
Zealand
show examples
 population from the year 2011 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, The
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages increased
exept
Correct your spelling
except
 for
people
Use synonyms
 who were under fifteen and
people
Use synonyms
 above
sixty five
Add a hyphen
sixty-five
show examples
 decreased in the next year.
While
Linking Words
 the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of New
Zeland's
Correct your spelling
Zealand's
show examples
 population in both years aged above fifteen and under
thirty nine
Add a hyphen
thirty-nine
show examples
, they had a slight proportion of
change
Use synonyms
. There is a significant
change
Use synonyms
 in
people
Use synonyms
 who
aged
Add a missing verb
are aged
show examples
 above
sixty five
Add a hyphen
sixty-five
show examples
. There is a
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 of all ages from 4.381.269 to 4.10.284 in the two years with a slight percentage of
change
Use synonyms
 at +0.6%.
people
Use synonyms
 who were under 15 declined slightly from 898 thousand to 896 with
-0.2
Correct article usage
a -0.2
show examples
%
change
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, there was a -0.2% difference in the
number
Use synonyms
 of those aged between 15-39 from 1.577.256 to 1574.102 which they were the highest among all in
number
Use synonyms
 of population.
People
Use synonyms
 who were between the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 40 and 64 grew slightly from 1.331.907 to 1.339.898 in the two years with a
change
Use synonyms
 of +0.6%. The highest proportion of
change
Use synonyms
 was
Use synonyms
change
Add an article
a change
the change
show examples
 of those who were above 65 at +4.0% which
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
increased from
from
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
573,946 in 2011 to 595.903 in 2012
Submitted by sam  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, change with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • population growth
  • age group
  • increase
  • decline
  • elderly population
  • aging population
  • working-age population
  • stable labor force
  • modest increase
  • significant change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: