IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

When talking about success, we often think of people who are rich or famous. In your opinion, what are the qualities that characterize a successful person? Why do you think these should be the criteria? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
When talking
almost
Correct your spelling
about
show examples
 victory, we frequently think of individuals who are wealthy or popular.
However
Linking Words
,
success
Use synonyms
 is a much broader concept that includes various
qualities
Use synonyms
 that define a successful human.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
firstly
Linking Words
 the
qualities
Use synonyms
 that characterize a successful person,
then
Linking Words
 the reasons for it and eventually,it will be finished by involving my own opinion and some examples from my own experiences or claim information.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,people are not always rich just because they have money or a good salary.People are considered rich if they are healthy, happy and loved.
Qualities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as perseverance, self-discipline,
passion
Use synonyms
, and the ability to adapt are far more important than mere riches or fame.
For instance
Linking Words
,there is a really rich and powerful streamer in Russian society,his nickname is Melstroy.He bought a casino and
earns
Wrong verb form
earned
show examples
 billions of dollars from it.But he doesn't have the most essential
thingis
Correct your spelling
thing
 the family, who loves and supports him.There is not a single person around who will truly love him.
Additionally
Linking Words
,he often said on his streams that he is not happy.And that cash brings only material happiness, but not spiritual ones.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,money can't buy happiness, we can't buy love and trust.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 quality is self-discipline.Happy individuals often possess the ability to regulate their time and prioritize their tasks effectively.
Passion
Use synonyms
 is equally important in the journey toward
success
Use synonyms
. When individuals are passionate about what they do, they are more likely to invest time and effort into their
endeavors
Change the spelling
endeavours
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,67% of people think that
passion
Use synonyms
 infuses work with meaning, making the path to
success
Use synonyms
 more fulfilling,which is true. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 wealth and fame are often associated with
success
Use synonyms
, the true
qualities
Use synonyms
 that characterize a successful person are perseverance, self-discipline,
passion
Use synonyms
, and adaptability.In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 everyone has their own vision and their own philosophy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that these ideas are logically connected across the essay for stronger coherence.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to make them more relevant and specific to your arguments, thus enhancing task achievement.
task achievement
Consider adding a more detailed explanation of how each quality mentioned contributes to success, for better clarity and comprehension.
task response
The essay addresses the topic of success with an interesting perspective, focusing on qualities beyond wealth and fame.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion present a cohesive framework for the essay, outlining the main argument and summarizing effectively.
task response
There are relevant examples used, such as the story of the streamer, to support points made about success being broader than wealth.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • characterize
  • qualities
  • accomplishments
  • perseverance
  • dedication
  • emotional intelligence
  • adaptability
  • integrity
  • vision
  • motivation
  • navigate challenges
  • derive satisfaction
  • ambitions
  • approach successes
  • reputation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: