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Writing Samples
Band 5

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.
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The graph visualizes the trend of reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 moved to the capital city of a country from 2000 to 2015. Apparently, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 migrating to the city for studying grew,
while
Linking Words
 those who did for employment
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 slightly declined in 2015. In
this
Linking Words
 year, both share the same proportion.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it seemed that
people
Use synonyms
 who moved for their families or friends a bit increased but not as little as those who went on
adventure
Add an article
an adventure
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 who moved to the capital city for education escalated rapidly by approximately 28,000
people
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2005, more than those with the purpose of working. From 2005 to 2010, the gradient of both categories
were
Change the verb form
was
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 similar, but the amount of
people
Use synonyms
 studying was still about 40,000 fewer than those who were employed.
At the end
Linking Words
 of 2010, the trend for employment started to decline by around 2,000
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 those who
study
Wrong verb form
studied
show examples
 significantly rocketed by about 40,000
people
Use synonyms
Submitted by nekofloryshop on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moved" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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