IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young adults who decide to do this

Education
Use synonyms
 is the backbone of a society. In many
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
 young generations are always motivated to work or visit for a
year
Use synonyms
 after completing higher secondary
education
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 and before starting
university
Use synonyms
 learning.There are a number of benefits and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 trend for teenagers who decide to do
this
Linking Words
.
This
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essey
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essay
 will elaborate
some
Change preposition
on some
show examples
 in subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with ,the first and foremost benefit
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 working after higher secondary done
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 youngsters a chance to explore new ideas related to
thier
Correct your spelling
their
career
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. It will not only enhance their skill but
also
Linking Words
 improve
self-dependancy
Correct your spelling
their independence
.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 results
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 impetus their confidence to run their own
buisness
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business
 and
broden
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broaden
 the
horizen
Correct your spelling
horizon
 of
career
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,working in
teen
Correct article usage
the teen
show examples
 age will
strenthen
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strengthen
 the
economical
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economic
show examples
 value
in
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of
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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"s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 them to earn and save something for their higher
university
Use synonyms
education
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.
Additionally
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, visiting
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
 during the gap
year
Use synonyms
 will help students to explore new tastes,cultural values and new environmental suitabilities. They will have more
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 to embrace opportunities and even have some
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
show examples
 to learn and compare the importance of
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 fields of study.For
instace
Correct your spelling
instance
, if a student
visit
Change the verb form
visits
show examples
 their dream country during the
year
Use synonyms
 between high school and
university
Use synonyms
education
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 ,
then
Linking Words
 they have a
year
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 to think about
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
where he or she
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to
countinue
Correct your spelling
continue
 his/her
university
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education
Use synonyms
. on the flip side, working or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 after high school finishing will
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to some bad results
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
long
Add an article
the long
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 run.
Firstly
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,
discountinuity
Correct your spelling
discontinuity
 in study around a
year
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 will divert the
career
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 paths sometimes.
As
Correct your spelling
A
show examples
university
Use synonyms
education
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 is one of the major
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of youngsters life. Many times when they travel or
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 work , again after a long period they are unable to concentrate that much. Because they
feels
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feel
show examples
 that if they are earning
then
Linking Words
 only they can enjoy their life as they want. Sometimes it creates some indiscipline actions, which leads to
destry
Correct your spelling
destroy
 their
career
Use synonyms
 at shorter ages. In conclusion, there are some pros and same way cons as well for youngsters in many countries, who
decides
Correct subject-verb agreement
decide
show examples
 to travel or work between the gap
year
Use synonyms
 of high school study and
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While working
Correct word choice
Working
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
teenages
Correct your spelling
teenagers
teenage
 teaches them to manage
ecoonomical
Correct your spelling
economical
economic
 values but same way
destroy
Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys
show examples
 their
career
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 paths by diverting them from their goals. Same way
traveling
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travelling
show examples
makes
Verb problem
gives
show examples
 them more opportunities to settle in different cultures but
also
Linking Words
 makes them
double minded
Add a hyphen
double-minded
show examples
 in choosing
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
domestic
Correct article usage
a domestic
show examples
 or
foreigner
Replace the word
foreign
show examples
 level.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, but could benefit from more detailed development of each idea in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
To improve task response, ensure all main points are supported with specific examples. This will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent logical structure by using clear topic sentences and ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas. Phrases like 'For example,' 'Consequently,' and 'In contrast,' can improve coherence.
task achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced perspective on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the essay and outlines what will be discussed, which is effective in preparing the reader.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, providing a clear ending.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gap year
  • Maturity
  • Broaden perspectives
  • Practical experience
  • Time management
  • Financial independence
  • Academic environment
  • Peer pressure
  • Global issues
  • Career interests
  • Cultural understanding
  • Financial drawbacks
  • Volunteering activities
  • Degree completion
  • Personal growth
What to do next:
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