IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Topic: Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#topic #people #leisure #time #activities #mind #word #puzzles #rest
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There is no
dubt
Correct your spelling
doubt
 that each
indivisual
Correct your spelling
individual
 has
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 own way
to spent
Change preposition
of spending
show examples
 in their free
time
Use synonyms
. Some people use
lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
Use synonyms
 for activities and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 for rest. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 no fixed guidelines or rules on how to spend your
time
Use synonyms
, but in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both sides and give my opinion about it. To
begain
Correct your spelling
begin
 with, using various active actions
for example
Linking Words
 reading, working on a hobby and doing word puzzles will
influance
Correct your spelling
influence
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
critical thinking and improves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mind analysis which will be more
time
Use synonyms
efficent
Correct your spelling
efficient
 to spend in.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some person feels it is more important to rest
the
Change the word
their
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 during break
time
Use synonyms
 to clear their thoughts from work tasks and social communication.
However
Linking Words
, both sides depend on the human situation at that moment.
In other words
Linking Words
, a worker who consumes all of his energy doing
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 and long working hours will prefer to clear his mind if he
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 the chance during weekdays and do what he likes to do
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 weekends. Despite that, some
employments
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the capability to make all their
to do
Add a hyphen
to-do
show examples
list
Fix the agreement mistake
lists
show examples
 during the day busy to feel
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of achievement.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most
indivisuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 who are not working on jobs
such
Linking Words
 as students or retired personnel have been able to get their hands on as they have more
time
Use synonyms
 for
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
. In conclusion, from my
Correct your spelling
perspective
prespective
Add a comma
prespective,
show examples
 I prefer to do the
majorty
Correct your spelling
majority
 of my duties and finish
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 on
time
Use synonyms
 to spend what is left on aspects that I want to accomplish in my own way
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life.
Submitted by aldana.alshaloob on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each part of your argument flows logically from one point to the next. Use transition words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas.
task achievement
Develop your points more thoroughly with specific examples. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
language use
Try to minimize spelling and grammatical errors by proofreading your work. This will make your essay clearer and easier to understand.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion and clearly presents the topic at hand.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion, aligning well with the opinions discussed throughout the essay.
task achievement
You've addressed both sides of the argument, fulfilling the essay task's requirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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