IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibility
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It is believed by some that adolescent
years
Use synonyms
 are the happiest period of most people’s lives,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that adulthood brings more content, despite having more responsibilities.
Although
Linking Words
 teenagers obtain new
experiences
Use synonyms
 in their teenage
years
Use synonyms
, I believe that
adults
Use synonyms
 can enjoy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the things they have accomplished. On the one hand,
experiences
Use synonyms
 that adolescents gain before
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 reach adulthood make them happy.
This
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 is because many teenagers get more freedom to do the things that they like without being controlled by their parents. A sense of freedom gives them
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to socialise with their contemporaries and many of them fall in love for the first time. These are unprecedented
experiences
Use synonyms
 that
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 them feel very happy.
For example
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, many dwellers of Sarajevo have said that
teenage
Correct pronoun usage
their teenage
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 were the happiest
years
Use synonyms
 of their lives.
However
Linking Words
, I think that adolescents do not know what
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
real happiness is at
such
Linking Words
 a young age.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
adults
Use synonyms
 can appreciate the things they have achieved.
This
Linking Words
 is to say that many
adults
Use synonyms
 set goals when they were younger,
such
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 as having prosperous careers, because they knew achieving their goals would make them content. They worked hard to get closer to their goals, and when they
finally
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 achieved their targets, they felt contentment.
For instance
Linking Words
, many Bosnians dreamed about owning a property, and after purchasing housing they were ecstatic.
Therefore
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, I believe that
adults
Use synonyms
 can value happiness at a greater level. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 pre-adulthood brings new
experiences
Use synonyms
, I believe that
adults
Use synonyms
 enjoy the perks of their hard work.
Submitted by bhat.shweta17 on

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task achievement
Try to expand on the discussion of both views to provide a more comprehensive response. Consider including additional examples or arguments for each perspective.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas with more effective transition signals or linking words.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frames the discussion, helping the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the points made about both teenage and adult years being potentially the happiest times.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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