Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development
Childrens'
society Change noun form
Children's
immersed
Add a missing verb
is immersed
on
their mobile Change preposition
in
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
hours
a day. Change preposition
for hours
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
this
claim about Linking Words
this
topic should focus as the damage is seen there are reasons to be Linking Words
eleborated
as following.
In Correct your spelling
elaborated
celebrated
these day
the majority of Change the determiner
this day
these days
childs
Correct your spelling
children
spending
their Wrong verb form
spend
times
on phones. No one can deny that Fix the agreement mistake
time
Use synonyms
phone
can Fix the agreement mistake
phones
brings
a lot of benefits, Change the verb form
bring
whlie
, Correct your spelling
while
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
also
have a huge of bad effects. It is obvious that Linking Words
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
are
can not Unnecessary verb
apply
controll
Correct your spelling
control
them self
to focusing other things when they are using Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
theirs
Correct the word
their
Use synonyms
phone
. Fix the agreement mistake
phones
For example
, one of the girlies Linking Words
using
Wrong verb form
uses
smartphone
for social media Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
while
Linking Words
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
is
teaching Wrong verb form
was
on
Change preposition
in
the
front of the class, Correct article usage
apply
Linking Words
then
other peers Correct word choice
and then
saw
the girl using Wrong verb form
see
Use synonyms
phone
and lots of her friends Correct pronoun usage
her phone
coming
using their technology tools too.
Verb problem
are
Linking Words
This
reasons Change the determiner
These
make
Verb problem
give
a
worst result, because screen Change the article
the
give
Verb problem
have
a effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
effects
an effect
for
all Change preposition
on
of
Change preposition
apply
people
Add an article
the people
especcially
, Correct your spelling
especially
on
lower Change preposition
at
age
. Fix the agreement mistake
ages
This
Linking Words
is
not only Unnecessary verb
apply
make
a bad effect Verb problem
has
to
their eyes, but Change preposition
on
also
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
on
Correct article usage
the childs'
childs'
Change noun form
child's
brain
. Fix the agreement mistake
brains
Moreover
, some of the students Linking Words
is
not focusing on Change the verb form
are
the
classes because they are addicted Change the word
their
on
Change preposition
to
Use synonyms
phone
. Fix the agreement mistake
phones
besides
that, some content on social media Linking Words
it
not suit Correct your spelling
is
foe
kids. Correct your spelling
for
Thus
, parents and teachers should limited time for them.
In conclusion, kids using Linking Words
Use synonyms
phone
is Fix the agreement mistake
phones
a
huge of dangerous in Change the article
apply
a lots
of ways. Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
How ever
, Correct your spelling
However
Linking Words
this
issues can easily Correct determiner usage
these
solve
by the persons surrounding their life.Wrong verb form
be solved
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task achievement
Your essay generally provides an answer to the question, but it needs more structure and clear division between different points. Try to make your points more distinct, and ensure each paragraph has a clear purpose.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument. Phrases such as "However,", "On the other hand,", "In addition," can enhance the coherence and flow of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a topic sentence that introduces the main idea you are addressing. Follow this with supporting details and examples.
task achievement
It’s clear that you have a viewpoint on this topic and are able to identify both positive and negative aspects of children's smartphone use.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, establishing a framework for your response.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example