IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line chart illustrates the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the number of participants at one social centre in Melbourne between 2000 and 2020. Five different activities are demonstrated in
this
Linking Words
 chart.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 who participate
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 film club account for the largest proportion
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 population, stabilising at roughly 65
people
Use synonyms
 during
this
Linking Words
 period.
Similarly
Linking Words
, even though it experienced a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 fluctuation,
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 participants
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 martial arts maintained at the level of 35
people
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two decades. Interestingly, individuals who joined the amateur
dramatic
Replace the word
drama
show examples
 slightly
enhanced
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 in 2005 to nearly 30
people
Use synonyms
. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it decreased significantly to 5 persons in 2020.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the average participants of
table
Change preposition
in table
show examples
 tennis
raised
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 approximately two and half
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 fold in the same period, reaching roughly 53
people
Use synonyms
 in 2020.
Finally
Linking Words
, the number of individuals participating in musical performances
present
Correct subject-verb agreement
presents
show examples
 an increased trend and reached almost 20
people
Use synonyms
 in 2020.
Submitted by heimli6 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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