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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line chart illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of participants
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different activities at one social centre in
Melbouren
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
,
Australis
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
 between 2000 and 2020.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, we can see that
people
Use synonyms
 enjoyed
attenting
Correct your spelling
attending
 Film
culb
Correct your spelling
club
 best from 2000 to 2020, the
number
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged, it was about 65.
People
Use synonyms
 least
enioy
Correct your spelling
enjoy
envoy
 Musical
perfprmances
Correct your spelling
performances
performance
,
people
Use synonyms
begun
Add the auxiliary verb
began
have begun
show examples
 to
attent
Correct your spelling
attend
 Musical performance in 2005,
then
Linking Words
 it increased to 10 in 2010, it keep growth to 20 between 2010 and 2020.
About the
Change preposition
The
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who were into taking part in
Martail
Correct your spelling
Martial
 arts was
also
Linking Words
 basically
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 unchanged between 2000 and 2020, it was at the top
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 37 in 2010, and at the bottom
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 31 in 33,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 was 34 in 2000 and 2020. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
werer
Correct your spelling
were
 keen on attending join in Amateur dramatics was about 27 in 2000, it was at
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 of 30 in 2005,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
it kept
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 to 8 from 2005 to 2020. The
number
Use synonyms
 of Table tennis was 15 in 2000,
then
Linking Words
 it increased to about 20 in 2010,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 increased fast to 55 in 2020. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 have enjoyed attending
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
show examples
 club for 20 years,
more
Correct word choice
and more
show examples
 and more
people
Use synonyms
enjoyed
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
 Table tennis.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
's enthusiasm for Amateur dramatics has decreased.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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