IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
 line chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of participants for different activities at one social
cenre
Correct your spelling
centre
 in Melbourne, Australia between 2000 and 2020.
Firstly
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,
Acorrding
Correct your spelling
According
 to the graph, we can see
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 most
people
Use synonyms
 were really into attending film
culb
Correct your spelling
club
 and
Matial
Correct your spelling
martial
 arts. The
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
join
Wrong verb form
joined
show examples
 the film club was about 65 between 2000 and 2020,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who are keen on taking part in Martial arts was about 37 from 2000 to 2020
Secondly
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,
About
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 who attended
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
table tennis and musical performances increased a lot. The
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
attended
Correct pronoun usage
who attended
show examples
 table tennis was about 15 between 2000 and 2010,
then
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 it increased to 55 in 2020. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
attenden
Correct your spelling
attended
attend
 musical performances was 0 between 2000 and 2005, after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the
number
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 grew to 18 in 2020.
Finally
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,
About
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 who took part in amateur dramatics,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was about 27 in 2000, at the top at 29 in 2005,
then
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 it keep decreased to 8 in 2020. In conclusion, we can see the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
attened
Correct your spelling
attend
attended
 film
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 and
martil
Correct your spelling
martial
 arts keep unchanged.
In addition
Linking Words
, players in table tennis saw the most significant rise in
number
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 there was an opposite trend in amateur dramatics.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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