IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The government spends a lot of money on education. More money should be spent on free time activities. To what extent do agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answers and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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In my opinion, I agree that governments should have more expenditure on
education
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
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 budget
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 free
time
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activities
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. I believe free access to
education
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 is
citizen’s
Correct article usage
a citizen’s
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 right and pastimes positively contribute to
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people
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’s mental
health
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. Prioritizing
education
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 is
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
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 mandate for its future generation, especially
proving
Verb problem
providing
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education
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 at no cost.
Education
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 allows
people
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 to increase their skills and knowledge, making them competent individuals who can contribute to their country’s economy. One of the main priorities in
education
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 is primary
education
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 which consists of 12 years of early
education
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, which is important for the country’s future.
For example
Linking Words
, In Indonesia,
minimum
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a minimum
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 of 20
percent
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per cent
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 of government expenditure is allocated only for
education
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, mainly for 12-year
education
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. Governments should spend more money on free
time
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activities
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 because doing free
time
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activities
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 can positively affect
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people
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’s
wellbeing
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well-being
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 in general. By doing pastimes, it increases happiness as well
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people’s
Correct word choice
as people’s
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 mental
health
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. Not only limited to mental
health
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 benefits, free
time
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activities
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also
Linking Words
 increase
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people
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’s movement in public areas, which leads to higher social interactions between citizens and
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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 their physical
health
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. In Indonesia’s capital city, The government of Jakarta recently
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent millions of US dollars to establish a new public park, Tebet Eco Park. They
also
Linking Words
 renovate the popular city avenue, Taman Ismail Marzuki. These places have been the most popular destinations for Jakarta
people
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 to spend their free
time
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. In conclusion, allocating a huge budget to
education
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 is necessary to ensure all
people
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 can get access to free
education
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 and providing leisure
activities
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 should
also
Linking Words
 be
Correct article usage
the governments’
show examples
governments’
Change noun form
government’s
show examples
 responsibility to help
people
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 increase their mental and physical
health
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.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and develops it with relevant examples. Consider expanding on why you think it's important to allocate funds to both education and leisure for a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph clearly follows the previous one with transitional phrases. This will further improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples, like the Indonesian government's investment in education and public parks, which strengthens the argument and makes it more relatable.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position and sets up the argument well. The conclusion effectively ties together the main points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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