IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that the government should fund the arts, while others think that it is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #fund #arts #responsibility
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Some argue that culture and
art
Use synonyms
 should be funded by the government,
while
Linking Words
 many believe it is the
companies
Change noun form
company's
show examples
 own responsibility. Personally, I think
art
Use synonyms
 should be financially supported by the
govermnent
Correct your spelling
government
 and will give reasons for my opinion.
Art
Use synonyms
 can be a
lucerative
Correct your spelling
lucrative
 business venture and many people make a comfortable living doing
art
Use synonyms
. There are numerous
vendars
Correct your spelling
vendors
venders
 in Africa that start their own
art
Use synonyms
 and craft companies making
art
Use synonyms
 and selling to
tourists
Use synonyms
 and other countries
oversees
Correct your spelling
overseas
show examples
.
Therefore
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, I believe it would be unethical for the government to
subcedice
Correct your spelling
subsidise
subsidize
 these artists financially.
On the other hand
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,
art
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
a nations history and museums
Change to a genitive case
a nation's history and museums
the history and museums of a nation
show examples
 will fade away without governments help keeping it
a float
Correct your spelling
afloat
show examples
. Some museums hold the
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 most remarkable pieces of history and need to be protected so that our children can learn our
nations
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
herritage
Correct your spelling
heritage
.
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Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 if the country funds
art
Use synonyms
 it will be a place that
tourists
Use synonyms
 will be attracted to,
for
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example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 Paris is well known for its rich culture and beautiful museums which attract
hundrends
Correct your spelling
hundreds
 and thousands of
tourists
Use synonyms
 each year. In conclusion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 needs to
proritise
Correct your spelling
prioritise
prioritize
 which
art
Use synonyms
 is necessary to be funded in order to keep our history alive
but
Correct word choice
and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 keep
tourists
Use synonyms
comming
Correct your spelling
coming
 to visit the country.
Submitted by simonnedelange on

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task achievement
The essay presents both views and offers a clear opinion. However, ensure that each view is supported with more concrete examples or evidence to achieve higher clarity and effectiveness.
task achievement
The main points are somewhat supported but could benefit from further elaboration. When discussing financial support for artists or museums, provide specific impacts or consequences.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions for smoother flow. For instance, the sentence linking art's economic potential and government responsibility may benefit from clearer connections.
language mechanics
Ensure consistency in spelling (e.g., 'Govermnent', 'Lucerative', 'Oversees', 'Subcedice', 'A float', 'Proritise', 'Comming', 'Herritage').
conclusion
The essay concludes with a strong summary that encapsulates the writer's perspective on governmental responsibility towards art funding.
introduction
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents the writer's perspective clearly.
supported main points
The argument about how museums preserve national heritage is strong and aligns well with the writer’s view on government funding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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