IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Minh Bui

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Minh Bui
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given
table
Use synonyms
 describes the rates of students attending 4 secondary
Correct your spelling
school
show examples
shool
Correct your spelling
school
show examples
 types
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
specialist
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
, grammar
schools
Use synonyms
, voluntary-controlled
Correct your spelling
schools
show examples
shools
Correct your spelling
schools
show examples
 and community
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 between 2000 and 2009
Overall
Linking Words
, the most attractive school group for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 was community
schools
Use synonyms
 in 2009. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrast, the learned
people
Use synonyms
wasn't
Change the verb form
weren't
show examples
 interested in the
specialist
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that time. Looking at the
table
Use synonyms
 from a more detailed perspective,
firstly
Linking Words
, the biggest
fraction
Use synonyms
 of pupils who were keen on voluntary-controlled
shools
Correct your spelling
schools
show examples
 was 52% and ranked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
table
Use synonyms
 in 2000 before heated a bottom at 19% and 12% in 2005 and 2009 respectively
while
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 interested in grammar
schools
Use synonyms
 in 2000 was half of the aforementioned.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 rate of
specialist
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 and
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 were nearly identical,
occupied
Wrong verb form
occupying
show examples
 12% of the
table
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
fraction
Use synonyms
ranked
Correct pronoun usage
that ranked
show examples
 first in 2005 which was the independent
schools
Use synonyms
 was 38%
while
Linking Words
 the figure for learned
people
Use synonyms
 who were fond of the public
schools
Use synonyms
 was 6% lower. After that, the rate of studied
people
Use synonyms
 who were interested in the
spcialist
Correct your spelling
specialist
socialist
 groups and the academic
schools
Use synonyms
 were both less than 20%, at 11% and 19% respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the number of the public school was 58% and occupied the largest
fraction
Use synonyms
 of all the
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 the smallest
fraction
Use synonyms
 was
specialist
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
, at 10% which was half of the rate of the independent
schools
Use synonyms
 and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 with the academic
schools
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words table, specialist, schools, people, fraction with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: