IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nawadays families are not as close as they used to be. what do you think are the causes of this? what can be doen to make families closer?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
modern day
Add a hyphen
modern-day
show examples
 society people have become
independant
Correct your spelling
independent
 and detached themselves from
Correct pronoun usage
their familie
show examples
familie
Correct your spelling
family
families
, not like it was in the past. The main cause of
this
Linking Words
phenomanon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 is the internet and
technology
Use synonyms
 that has taken over our lives. In my
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will
be elaborating
Wrong verb form
elaborate
show examples
 on the causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem and mention some solutions. People nowadays
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 so much on their phones browsing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social media and watching meaningless programs on television. In most
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
household
Add a comma
household,
show examples
 both
parents
Use synonyms
 have to work and when they come home they need to unwind and the first thing they do is put the children
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of the television to keep them intertained. Our lives revolve around
technology
Use synonyms
 teenagers are so addicted to video games and social media and are not playing outside like they should anymore.
Parents
Use synonyms
 do not take the
time
Use synonyms
 to take
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 afternoon walk with the children or play hide and seek as a family it is just easier to put a movie on for them. Children are
eposed
Correct your spelling
exposed
 to
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 at a young age and they see their
parents
Use synonyms
 on their phones all the
time
Use synonyms
 so they are
indoctronated
Correct your spelling
indoctrinated
 that it is the norm. There needs to be a balance when it comes to using
technology
Use synonyms
 in the family.
Therefore
Linking Words
, setting
boundries
Correct your spelling
boundaries
 when it comes to using electronics is a smart idea to implement in the household.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should have a set
time
Use synonyms
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 all the electronics
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to be
but
Correct your spelling
put
show examples
 away and have interactive
qaulity
Correct your spelling
quality
 family
time
Use synonyms
. Families need to start with the basics by just communicating
while
Linking Words
 having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
dinner around the table. Another good tactic is to schedule game nights
instead
Linking Words
 of movie nights where there can be
interation
Correct your spelling
interaction
integration
 with one another. All these strategies help to bring a
familie
Correct your spelling
family
 closer and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 to know it other better. In conclusion,
technology
Use synonyms
 can be a positive tool in the household but it should not take over the
families
Change noun form
family's
families'
show examples
 lives.
That is
Linking Words
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
 there should be a limit to how long electronics need to be used. Families need to
pioritse
Correct your spelling
prioritize
prioritise
 quality
time
Use synonyms
 with each other more than endless
sosial
Correct your spelling
social
 media scrolling.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Review your spelling and grammar. Words like 'independent,' 'phenomenon,' 'spent,' 'intertained,' 'eposed,' 'indoctronated,' 'boundries,' 'qaulity,' 'familie,' 'pioritse,' and 'sosial' have minor errors that can distract the reader.
grammar
Improve sentence variety. Mixing up sentence structures will help maintain the reader's interest throughout your essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, such as mentioning studies or personal stories, to better elaborate on your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction that outlines the main focus of the discussion, providing a thoughtful starting point for the reader.
coherence cohesion
You presented a logical conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively and leaves a lasting impression about the need for real family interaction over digital engagements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Work-life balance
  • Geographical distance
  • Face-to-face communication
  • Cultural shifts
  • Individualism
  • Family cohesion
  • Career-oriented
  • Digital platforms
  • Boom in social activities
  • Frequent family gatherings
  • Familial bonds
What to do next:
Look at other essays: