IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many individuals are inclined to share their private
information
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 with technological
companies
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 to
access
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 many
software
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. I personally believe that whilst utilizing
software
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assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
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people
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 to complete their tasks properly, the benefits of sharing personal
information
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 with these
companies
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 outweigh the drawbacks because sometimes they cannot protect the
privacy
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 and
security
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 of the users and leak their personal and sensitive
information
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. Many
people
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 provide their personal
information
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 to
access
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many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
software
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 to perform their tasks. Technological
companies
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 require names, date of birth, location and other important details of their consumers. To utilize
this
Linking Words
software
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,
people
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 share their personal
information
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 with them.
For example
Linking Words
,
well-known
Add an article
the well-known
a well-known
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 technological company Google search engine asks name, date of birth and country of every consumer to
access
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 and utilize their
software
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, which helps
people
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
find any
information
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 with just a click.
However
Linking Words
, I personally believe that
this
Linking Words
software
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 cannot protect the
privacy
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 of
people
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. Technological
companies
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 sometimes cannot protect the
privacy
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 and
security
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 of their users.
People
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 share their personal
information
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 to
access
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 their
software
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, and cyber criminals hack that
software
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 and
access
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 personal and sensitive
information
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 of
people
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such
Linking Words
 as their location and phone numbers. They utilize
these
Change the determiner
this information
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information
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 to give
people
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threat
Fix the agreement mistake
threats
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 and make
those
Change the determiner
that information
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information
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 public, which hinders their
security
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
video sharing
Add a hyphen
video-sharing
show examples
software
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 Torent once hacked by criminals, and all
private
Correct article usage
the private
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information
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 of its users got leaked, which threatened their
privacy
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 and
security
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that using
this
Linking Words
software
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 is not safe for the
privacy
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 of
people
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. In conclusion, I personally believe that whilst sharing
information
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 with technological
companies
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 helps
people
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 to do their tasks, I personally believe that the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 outweigh the drawbacks because
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privacy
Correct article usage
the privacy
show examples
 and
security
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 of
people
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 are not ensured by
this
Linking Words
software
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from more precise explanations and examples to clearly highlight how the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Consider articulating your points with more depth and providing additional relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay occasionally repeats phrases such as "I personally believe," which could be varied to enhance the writing. Try using different expressions to maintain reader engagement and avoid redundancy.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, providing a good framework for the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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