IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of it ? What solution can you suggest?

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In
wide
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a wide
the wide
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 range of
countries
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countries,
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 people are suffering from
students
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student
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 behaviour. I think it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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all depends on how
rapid
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rapidly
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 our generation is developing. Considering a lot of countries , their economic level had highly increased. Even 20 years ago our
parents
Use synonyms
did’n
Correct your spelling
didn’t
 have the ability
of having
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to have
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such
Linking Words
 a wide range of toys or even
a
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apply
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modern technology. Relying on that, nowadays, a lot of
parents
Use synonyms
 are accidentally
growing
Verb problem
raising
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 their
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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 as spoiled and naughty
,
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apply
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 because they want to give their toddlers the ability
of having
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to have
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 everything, which either mom or dad didn’t have as they were kids.
Linking Words
Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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 toddlers
aren’t
Verb problem
don’t
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appreciating
Wrong verb form
appreciate
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 the
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
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 they have, the more toys and devices they have, the more they are not interested in the other life aspects.
According to
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this
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, they don’t know how to appreciate
interests
Correct article usage
the interests
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 of the other same-aged people.
It
Correct your spelling
In
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 the end, they are facing problems that they don’t know how to communicate. Once they are in the school ,they have to overcome communication problems. As soon as
child
Correct article usage
the child
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will get
Wrong verb form
gets
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 to know the class, he will be totally in shock ,
no-one
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no one
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 cares about him as his parent did.
According to
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this
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 , students might have
a problems
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a problem
problems
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,
such
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 as communication with the adults and teachers. I wouldn’t think that the
parents
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 would take it into account as much as it is needed,
however
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, there
have
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has
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 to be a solution,
dealing
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to dealing
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Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
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 issue. I would say that weekly psychology sessions for all the
parents
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 might help , they will be given some useful and knowledgeable
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 to help their toddler. There is definitely a vast issue ,
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however
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however,
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 every family who
are
Change the verb form
is
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 suffering
about
Change preposition
from
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 it has to deal with it.

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task achievement
The essay presents a general understanding of the topic, but lacks specific examples and detailed ideas. Focus on providing clearer examples and expanding on your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs to improve flow and make your arguments clearer to the reader. Ensure that each paragraph logically connects to the next.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed in the essay to strengthen your argument and bring closure to the topic.
task achievement
You address the issue of student behavior and touch on multiple causes, showing awareness of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes an introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in organizing your thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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