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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries children have very stict rules of behaviour,while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want to what extent should children follow the rules? give reasons and relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

There has always been discussion about
on
Change preposition
apply
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how to make a rule
on
Change preposition
for
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 our
children
Use synonyms
.
in
Capitalize word
In
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this
Linking Words
 essay we will discuss the extent to which
children
Use synonyms
 must abide by the norms placed on them. A rule or norm is generally created based on the culture of a given society. Some of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 rules are based on experiences.
for
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example
Add a comma
example,
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durng
Correct your spelling
during
 our younger years
children
Use synonyms
 or youngsters are obliged to go to sleep
sfter
Correct your spelling
after
 lunch time.
This
Linking Words
 rule stems from
a
Correct article usage
the
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 fact that you will grow tall if you have a nap in the afternoon.
In addition
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,
childrren
Correct your spelling
children
 should
asleep
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be asleep
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 at a certain for they rise up early in the morning to face new challenges presented to
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.In
this
Linking Words
norm
Add a comma
norm,
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 it instill discipline and
inculcate
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inculcates
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 good behaviours. For a society or
community
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community,
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 there must be
a
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apply
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strong leadership, in order to develop and be sustainable. if
a
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apply
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history can be a witness,
then
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 it will tell us how important
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
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 of
child
Add an article
a child
the child
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 is for creating future leaders.
On the other hand
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,
children
Use synonyms
 have their own freedom to do whatever they like or
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 they have in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. Most young individual, nowadays plan their own life. As some of their reason will lead them to success
such
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 as financially.
for example
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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blogging and putting all their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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 life basis on social media.
However
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, some of them
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 detrimental
situation
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situations
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. One of the
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
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 is dealing with bad vices. in conclusion, despite
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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young people having strong and confident
personality
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personalities
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 they still need a strong support system and
following
Wrong verb form
follow
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 the rules imposed.
This
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 will serve as their guidance on what their plan
.
Add a missing verb
is.
show examples

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organization
Work on organizing your essay with clear paragraph structure. This will help to enhance clarity and logical flow. Try to start with a clear introduction of the topic and end with a summarizing conclusion.
support
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help to strengthen your points and provide the reader with a clearer understanding of your viewpoints.
development
Aim to develop your ideas more fully, ensuring each point is comprehensive and clearly related to the main topic. This might involve elaborating on points and explaining their relevance.
balance
You have addressed both sides of the argument regarding children's freedom versus rules. This provides a balanced view of the topic, which is beneficial for a task response.
conclusion
The conclusion provides a clear stance on the topic, summarizing the importance of rules for a strong support system.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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