IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the main parts of society is
art
Use synonyms
, which illustrates its culture. In my opinion,
Art
Use synonyms
 should be
educated
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 in schools, universities or
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kindergartens,
although
Linking Words
 it
does
Verb problem
should
show examples
 not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be the primary subject. From
this
Linking Words
prospectives
Correct your spelling
perspective
show examples
, it is worth discussing in the fourth coming paragraphs.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, despite the variations in
subjects
Use synonyms
, it is vital for pupils to be trained in
art
Use synonyms
, given that it encourages children to think creatively and express themselves in unique ways. It promotes innovation and
problem – solving
Correct your spelling
problem–solving
show examples
 skills, which are valuable in all
areas
Use synonyms
 of life.
For example
Linking Words
, they can imagine the consequences of some troubles, be it
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 a good decision before the actions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can improve academic performance, which can have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect on their future career
pas
Correct your spelling
paths
show examples
. Studies have shown that exposing
art
Use synonyms
 education can improve performance in other
subjects
Use synonyms
 like math and reading, as it encourages critical thinking, scanning and skimming the text. Professor of Azerbaijan Oil and Industry University Muhammad Mammadov can be exemplified in
this
Linking Words
 case, because he was an artist, later he
shows
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 incredible academic results than other researchers in the same university. In my view, youngsters should not direct their attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 fine arts to the exclusion of other
subjects
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
, schools should balance
teaching
Correct article usage
a teaching
show examples
 approach that includes
art
Use synonyms
 along other
areas
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as science, math or biology, because they will improve their skills in other
areas
Use synonyms
 which I mentioned before.
For instance
Linking Words
, skills in coding, engineering, or data analysis are increasingly important in today’s economy, and insufficient attention to these
areas
Use synonyms
 could hinder students' competitiveness in the workforce.
In addition
Linking Words
, some people
devoted
Wrong verb form
devote
show examples
 their time to drawing, sculpture or painting, but others are good at technical
subjects
Use synonyms
 or mathematical
subjects
Use synonyms
. So, Instructors should empower students to make a choice. As an Illustration, the best universities in the world conducted a lesson to get to know a student and his potential for learning. In conclusion, teaching young people can effective tactic to improve their creativity and academic performance.
However
Linking Words
 prioritizing it has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative sides,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 unidirectional improvement and their ability to be better at other
areas
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs for a smoother transition.
Coherence & Cohesion
Some ideas need clearer expression and elaboration for a cohesive argument.
Task Achievement
Be cautious about grammatical errors and complex sentence structures that can affect understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.
Task Achievement
Provided relevant examples to support the argument about the importance of art in education.
Task Achievement
Addressed the prompt directly by discussing the importance of art and prioritization of subjects.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: