IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the advantages and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

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Travelling provides peace and relaxation to our
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minds
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mind
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minds
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. In recent times, numerous tourists
are
Verb problem
have
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preferring
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preferred
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 to visit
places
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 where
conditions
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 and other circumstances are difficult to handle.
This
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 current trend has its own merits and demerits, which I will explain
further
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 with relevant examples in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, there are several advantages that can be considered. First and foremost, people get a new experience about
adventures
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adventurous
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places
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 and
also
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 gain knowledge regarding how to survive in difficult situations.
For instance
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, if
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an individual
the individual
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individual
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individuals
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are visiting
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visit
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Sahara
Correct article usage
the Sahara
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 desert
than
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then
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 they could acquire experience about how to spend life
over
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apply
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there without the availability of water.
Besides
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this
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, tourists familiarize
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themselves about
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Correct pronoun usage
themselves about
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with
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about
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with
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 their physical abilities and strength
while
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 travelling to those
places
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 where
conditions
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 are worst.
As well as
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 individuals have opportunities to visualise natural sceneries
front
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in front
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 of their eyes, which are only possible to enjoy through digital devices or with the help of social media.
For example
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, one can view the Antarctic mountains and unusual scenes personally through their eyes by exploring
places
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 which are difficult and dangerous.
On the other hand
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, we can not ignore some drawbacks related to
this
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 trend. The major
disadvantage
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the disadvantage
a disadvantage
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 is that individuals have to undergo
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apply
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from
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apply
show examples
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
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life threatening
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life-threatening
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 situations. To illustrate, at the high
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peak
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pick
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peak
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 of the mountain
due to
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 less amount of air some people suffer from asthma. Apart from that,
tourist
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tourists
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 have to manage themselves with minimal basic needs
due to
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lack
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the lack
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 of hotels,
supefmarkets
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supermarkets
, health care
service
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services
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, and other required
necessity
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necessities
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 at the locations where
conditions
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 are difficult. In conclusion, it
is totally depend
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totally depends
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 on the
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tourist's
tourists'
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tourists
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tourists'
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 choice
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of where
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where
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of where
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 they want to visit.
However
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, taking some necessary steps
while
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 travelling to challenging and risky
places
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 to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any kind of serious
conditions
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response, covering the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. However, some ideas could be clearer and more thoroughly developed. Try expanding upon each advantage and disadvantage with more specific examples or detailed analysis to enhance depth.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay could be improved. Consider using more transitional words and phrases to better link your ideas and ensure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next.
supported main points
Ensure each main point is supported by strong, relevant examples to bolster your arguments. Consider elaborating more on how these examples relate directly to your main points.
introduction conclusion present
The essay begins with a clear introduction that sets up the topic, ensuring the reader understands the argument presented.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly wraps up the main points discussed, which effectively gives the essay a clear ending.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • unique ecosystems
  • sense of adventure
  • personal growth
  • indigenous cultures
  • environmental conservation
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • economically disadvantaged areas
  • physical health
  • harsh weather
  • difficult terrain
  • limited access to medical facilities
  • fragile ecosystems
  • habitat destruction
  • basic amenities
What to do next:
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