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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The diagrams illustrate the development of a public library from 20 years ago to the present.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The diagrams illustrate the development of a public library from 20 years ago to the present.
#summarise #information #features #comparisons #diagrams #development #library #years
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The diagrams illustrate the development of a public library from 20
years
Use synonyms
 ago to the present.
Overall
Linking Words
, both 20
years
Use synonyms
 ago and now,
this
Linking Words
 public library
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
same
Add an article
a same
the same
show examples
 part, but
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 change
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the functions of the rooms. 20
years
Use synonyms
 ago, the position of the
room
Use synonyms
 for CDs, videos, and computer games
confront
Wrong verb form
confronted
show examples
 the
room
Use synonyms
 for reading newspapers and magazines.
Moreover
Linking Words
, between these rooms, people can access
adult
Use synonyms
 and
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
, but now
this
Linking Words
 part’s function
changes
Wrong verb form
has changed
show examples
 for all reference
books
Use synonyms
. At the present, all becomes different. CDs
room
Use synonyms
 become
room
Use synonyms
 for storytelling events and children’s
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
. And
this
Linking Words
room
Use synonyms
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
sofa
Correct article usage
a sofa
show examples
 for visitors.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the reading
room
Use synonyms
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
room
Use synonyms
. In the past, 20
years
Use synonyms
 ago, in the
central
Replace the word
centre
show examples
 of the building, there were two big tables and some chairs for visitors, but at present, the government
disappear
Wrong verb form
has disappeared
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. From the entrance, visitors can access
café
Correct article usage
the café
show examples
 now, 20
years
Use synonyms
 ago,
this
Linking Words
room
Use synonyms
 was allocated for
enquiry
Correct article usage
the enquiry
show examples
 desk (tickets, book returns, etc). in front of
this
Linking Words
room
Use synonyms
, people can access
adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
,
information
Correct article usage
an information
show examples
 desk and self-service machines.
This
Linking Words
 part is different from 20
years
Use synonyms
 ago.
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
 used
this
Linking Words
room
Use synonyms
 only for
adult
Use synonyms
 non-
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
.
And
Correct word choice
Lastly
show examples
lastly
Linking Words
, in the past, there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 children’s
books
Use synonyms
 in front of
adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
, but now
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 allocated for
lecture
Correct article usage
the lecture
show examples
room
Use synonyms
.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, room, adult, fiction, books with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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