IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept bad situation, such as unsatisftory jobs or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #situation #unsatisftory #jobs #shortage #money #situations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that accepting
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unwanted circumstance is the best way to cope
such
Linking Words
 as working in a job even though people do not like it or living in poverty, some hold the view against
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 and claim that trying to change it will be more beneficial.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both perspectives and present my opinion. In life, not everything goes as planned. There are situations
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 we cannot interfere. To
elabrote
Correct your spelling
elaborate
, depending on the circumstances there is no meaning when it comes to changing things we cannot control.
For instance
Linking Words
, if someone is trying to raise their kids with
limited
Add an article
a limited
the limited
show examples
 amount of wage,
instead
Linking Words
 of focusing on their satisfaction
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their occupation, they can focus on making the best out of it since their prime goal is about their children's education.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that
instead
Linking Words
 of accepting the situation, trying to improve life standards and
willings
Replace the word
willingness
show examples
 really
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on the circumstances.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone is unhappy and there are no limitations
such
Linking Words
 as kids, there is
also
Linking Words
 no holding back.
Moreover
Linking Words
, accepting the current standards will be a drawback. If someone is unhappy about their job, they can quit and try
a different fields
Correct the article-noun agreement
a different field
different fields
show examples
 or if they are having problems
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 income,
instead
Linking Words
 of believing that
this
Linking Words
 is their life they can try to work extra hours or they can make investments. In conclusion, even though accepting the current situation may be the only solution for some,
according to
Linking Words
 me, It really depends on the factors.
Submitted by gonulsimge29 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent use of terms to avoid confusion (e.g. 'unsatisfactory' instead of 'unwanted').
coherence cohesion
Strengthen paragraphs with clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are consistently supported with relevant examples.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate points more effectively.
task achievement
Clarify reasoning for opinions to make them more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces contrasting perspectives and provides a balanced discussion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly identifiable, creating a well-rounded essay.
task achievement
Main points are generally clear and ideas are expressed comprehensively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: