IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
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Competition
Use synonyms
 is thought
that it has
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
 some healing effects in daily life.
However
Linking Words
, minority depends that it causes adverse results. In my opinion, being in a
competition
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial than racing.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss which title is the best. Being in a race or letting ambition
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rule can turn many people into a destructive.
For instance
Linking Words
, categorising a
child
Use synonyms
Change preposition
as which
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 he is good at and not good at some ability or comparing him with other
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 increases
competition
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 than determination in
Use synonyms
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 situation creates hurt feelings in
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 more than determination, so
this
Linking Words
 is irritating for children.
For example
Linking Words
, if a person, who works
his
Change preposition
with his
show examples
/her colleagues at work, aims to be
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
, he can not see his limit.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 it is beneficial to act in cooperation,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 these days, teamwork is at the forefront when we look at the studies in schools or the ways of working in workplaces. It is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fact that many people are different and they feed each other
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ideas
while
Linking Words
 studying
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
something.
For example
Linking Words
, coworkers are good at different things, and one of them adds positive energy to all together. In consequence,
competition
Use synonyms
 doesn’t draw the end line which we can do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, and it might damage our dream world. Being in a
cooperation
Correct your spelling
corporation
show examples
 usually provides
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 expanding and growing benefit. I think race fits only the
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
show examples
.
Submitted by denizkevser08 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Try using clear paragraph transitions and topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea supported by detailed arguments or examples.
task achievement
Avoid mixing up terms such as 'racing' and 'competition'; this might confuse readers. Try to ensure clear differentiation between similar concepts.
task achievement
You have presented both views in the introduction, which sets a clear pathway for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and asserts your personal stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical flow overall, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion presented succinctly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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