IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries #summaries #information #features #comparison
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The chart provides data about the proportions of elderly men and
women
Use synonyms
 in
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 ecosystem in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1970 and 2000. It shows
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
various numbers of people aged 60 to 64 from four different nations. In general,
Japan
Use synonyms
 is the leading country for men and
women
Use synonyms
 who still participated as a worker, both in 1970 and 2000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Belgium placed in the lowest rank for
women
Use synonyms
 workforce in both years
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and for men in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000. Regarding the elderly
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
who's
Wrong verb form
who are
show examples
 still involved in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 workforce,
Japan
Use synonyms
is having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 the highest rate at around 84%, followed by Belgium at 79%. Below
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
 there are USA and Australia which has only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
% gap between these two states.
Thirthy
Correct your spelling
Thirty
 years later, we found out that
Japan
Use synonyms
 is still documented as the highest percentage of
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
although
Linking Words
 it
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a slight decrease
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 about 8% in 2000. Meanwhile, Belgium took place as the country who have the lowest
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of elder
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 who still work.
Finally
Linking Words
, when it
talk
Change the verb form
talks
show examples
 about
women
Use synonyms
, we found out that
Japan
Use synonyms
is having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the highest rate in 2000 and 1970, with only
3
Correct article usage
a 3
show examples
% decrease in that period of time
Submitted by rayaningpkrt11 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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