IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many government think that economic is their most important goal. Some people however think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#government #people #progress #country
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Governments believe that economic development is the most essential goal
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because they have more knowledge about how to use and achieve necessary things by that . But
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 I agree with those who believe that other kinds of progress are
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 significant as economics . Humans Need something more than
money
Use synonyms
 like feeding and health. Economic education
give
Change the verb form
gives
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Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
us this
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 ability to receive our necessary objects
by
Change preposition
through
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 data. Obviously the more you know about how financial life
work
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works
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 the more you focus on it.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
Add an article
the people
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 like governments and officials
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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just attention and connect every life detail with
economy
Add an article
the economy
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.
Though
Correct word choice
However
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 a complete society would not followed by great economics. Citizens in order hand are searching for safe
country
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 food sources
a
Change preposition
for a
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lot more than
money
Use synonyms
. Some important things are not achievable by
money
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. Truly it can be a concept for parts of living but it's not only
one
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 or number
one
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 . In
first
Correct article usage
the first
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place
Add a comma
place,
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 safeness of
one
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
 and in the second place
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
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 system can provide
one
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
with
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top
Correct article usage
the top
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 of the world . So
money
Use synonyms
 is
convenient
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a convenient
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 way for governments to
attached
Wrong verb form
attach
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and
also
Linking Words
 put it in first place in all cases like
important
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an important
the important
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goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
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 for
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
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. But all of
this
Linking Words
said
Add a missing verb
is said
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 to
mentioned
Change the form of the verb
mention
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 that a
country
Use synonyms
 should support all of the subjects together to become a complete
country
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 and have keen citizens. Like
followed
Change the form of the verb
following
show examples
 the basic needs of humanity .
Submitted by sanazmoradiown on

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task achievement
Strengthen your main points with detailed examples. For instance, illustrate how other forms of progress like healthcare or education can lead to overall societal benefits beyond economic gains.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Use linking phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear and balanced conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion, agreeing that other types of progress are as important as economic development. This position is well stated in your introduction.
task achievement
Your essay considers both views of the topic, offering insights into why governments prioritize economic growth and why citizens may value other progress forms.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph generally sticks to its main point, which aids in paragraph structure and focus.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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