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Band 7

the graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a european country beetwen 1979 and 2004

the graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a european country beetwen 1979 and 2004
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The line graph shows information about the
consumption
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 of meat in European countries for four kinds of meat from 1979 to 2004. At the beginning of the
period
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, the highest
consumption
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 was for beef;
this
Linking Words
indicator
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 decreased.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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,
consumption
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 of chicken was the highest. In 1979 the highest
consumption
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 was beef at 220
grams
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 per
person
Use synonyms
 per
week
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. Within one
year
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,
this
Linking Words
indicator
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 increased to 240
grams
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;
year
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 after
year
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, the
indicator
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 decreased. In 2004,
this
Linking Words
indicator
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 decreased to 100
grams
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 per
person
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
.
Consumption
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 of lamb started at 150
grams
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, and
year
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 after
year
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,
this
Linking Words
 scale decreased.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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,
this
Linking Words
 scale decreased to 110
grams
Use synonyms
.
Consumption
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 of chicken started at 145
grams
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;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 scale increased, and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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, the
indicator
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 reached 250
grams
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 per
person
Use synonyms
 per
week
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.
Finally
Linking Words
,
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consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of fish in 1979 was 60
grams
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, and in the following years,
consumption
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 of fish decreased slightly to 40
grams
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, period, indicator, grams, person, week, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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