In some countries old people are highly valued and in other countries the young are considered to be more valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Or Some cultures value old age while others value young age. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Recently, the issue of who is more valuable between
senior
and youth has become the subject of heated debate. Some Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
people
assert that young age has many advantages, Use synonyms
while
others argue Linking Words
otherwise
. I wholeheartedly agree with the former stand. In the following essay, both views will be discussed before a conclusion is reached with my opinion.
On the one hand, those who claim that the old Linking Words
people
have more various experiences compared to the young Use synonyms
people
. Use synonyms
In other words
, the senior has Linking Words
many
Correct word choice
apply
knowledges
about their occupation, Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
through
their whole Change preposition
throughout
live
. Replace the word
life
This
means that they Linking Words
also
have failure Linking Words
experience
and memories about getting over. Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
Therefore
, the old Linking Words
people
give recruits their know-how and share their tips about their fields.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, my opinion is that Linking Words
the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
are more valuable than the ole Use synonyms
people
. Because they have their own unique ideas. Use synonyms
For example
, some individuals run start-up Linking Words
company
, just their own power. Fix the agreement mistake
companies
For instance
, in Korea, the government imposes subsidies to young start-up companies and gives opportunities Linking Words
of
work-practicing. Change preposition
for
In addition
, some companies collaborate Linking Words
to
universities, hiring university students. Another convincing reason is that Change preposition
with
they
already ready Add a verb
they are
they were
for starting
new job markets. Let’s imagine when Change preposition
to start
people
face new challenges. Use synonyms
While
the Linking Words
senior
feel scared Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
them
, the young feel interested Change preposition
of them
them
. Change preposition
in them
Therefore
, the young Linking Words
people
don’t have Use synonyms
sacred
feeling, just keep going.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about Add an article
a sacred
the sacred
this
topic. Linking Words
However
, after considering Linking Words
this
matter in Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
careful
manner, I fully support that Change the word
carefully
the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
are more valuable than Use synonyms
the
old Correct article usage
apply
people
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Ensure there is a balance in the discussion of both perspectives within the body paragraphs. Currently, the discussion of the young being more valuable seems more developed than the discussion about valuing the elderly.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This would help in providing a clearer and more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the lexical range by using more varied vocabulary. This will help in making the essay more engaging and demonstrate a better command of the language.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a robust structure to your writing.
logical structure
The paragraphs are logically connected, and ideas flow smoothly from one to the next, contributing to coherence and cohesion.