IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below presents the percentage of the global market share of notebook computer sales for manufacturers between 2006 and 2007

The table below presents the percentage of the global market share of notebook computer sales for manufacturers between 2006 and 2007
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Overall
Linking Words
, HP company held the largest part of the market share
while
Linking Words
 Fujitsu-Siemens got the smallest section in both years. Each brand showed a slight increase and decrease in market share and the other unnamed companies slightly decreased their sales.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, most users chose HP's electronics accounting for 31.4 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and 34 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2006 and 2007 respectively. It was clear that Fujitsu-Siemens significantly lost 2 times compared to the first selling in 2006. In 2007, The number of consumers buying Dell grew significantly at 3.8 per
cent
Use synonyms
 but Toshiba
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 only 1.1 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, Lenovo and Acer factories became less popular and Fujitsu-Siemens had the lower margin among brands.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: