IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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There is no denying the fact that populations have the notion that governments should prevent dangerous activities. there is a commonly held belief that people have the right to do whatever they want to do, there is
also
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 an argument
believes
Correct pronoun usage
that believes
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 that idea may lead to a critical future. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
this
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 question and present my own perspectives
at the end
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. On the one hand, nations should avoid these activities related to the number of problems
may
Verb problem
apply
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this
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 kind of entertainment provides,
in other words
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, it may lead to critical inflammation problems
and
Correct word choice
apply
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that
my effect
Correct your spelling
may affect
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 a long journey for a person, it
also
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 may
occure may
Verb problem
cause
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 detrimental infection, that individuals can lose their job or freedom for a long time, actually these
such
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 as a harmful
facilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
facility
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 can lead to the end or at less head injury,
Moreover
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this
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 younger man will not get a child in his future beside no family and so on, the government can support other beneficial entertainment
suchas
Correct your spelling
such as
sciences or technologies. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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, some people argue
the
Change preposition
against the
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 above idea and they
have opposed
Wrong verb form
oppose
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 it, they say it is possible to give
a
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 to prove themselves
at
Change preposition
in
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 the meantime through these activities, they will discover by disclosing their talent towards develop skills,
In addition
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, I believe it may lead to a significant accident or break bones but it may
also
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 worth some knowledge about the world's around them.
Therefore
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, the government can create some solutions to tackle
this
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 issue which I add notion about it. In conclusion, the government should have crucial tools to take care of their
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
as well as
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 they are a future generation.

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Task Response
The introduction provides a general overview, but clearer definitions of the two perspectives would enhance clarity. Ensure that the differing views are distinctly presented to aid reader comprehension.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should represent a single idea or argument. This will help improve the logical flow and structure of the essay.
Task Response
Provide more detailed examples to support each viewpoint discussed. Specific examples or hypothetical scenarios can enhance your argument and task achievement.
Task Response
Aim to develop your ideas more fully. Each main point should be expanded with explanations and supporting details to improve clarity and completeness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, maintaining a basic structure common to essays.
Task Achievement
There is an attempt to consider both viewpoints within the essay, which is important for a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion concisely sums up the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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