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Writing Samples
Band 5

Certain people posit that engaging children in team sports is advantageous, promoting collaboration toward a common goal. Conversely, others argue that the principal advantage of team sports lies in nurturing a competitive spirit. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #posit #children #team #sports #collaboration #advantage #spirit
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It is believed that
children
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 gain more opportunities if they enter
in
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into
show examples
team
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sports
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,
while
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 others consider that
profit
Correct article usage
the profit
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 of these types of
games
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occur
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occurs
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 spirit of
competiveness
Correct your spelling
competitiveness
.
This
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 essay will discuss both these views:
team
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 targets and
competitiveness
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. First of all, there are a lot of benefits of
team
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sports
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,
due to
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this
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 fact more people enter their
children
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 to
such
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games
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.
For example
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, teenagers can acquire a knowledge of
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team-working
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teamwork
show examples
 and how to cooperate for its aim.
Therefore
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, it assists
for
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apply
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them in order to structure and
reinforse
Correct your spelling
reinforce
reinforces
 some personal character traits
such
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 as soft skills, and
this
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experiense
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experience
 will remain forever with them
,
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apply
show examples
 and will assist if they encounter
with
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apply
show examples
some problems.
Finally
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, it leads to having a priceless experience that helps in
foreseeable
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the foreseeable
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 future.
On the other hand
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, victory is the main part of
such
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games
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. Some parents think that real life consists of
competitiveness
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, and give their
children
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 to
such
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 types of
sports
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 in order to they will learn to resist.
In addition
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, when
children
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 play in a command they consider
about
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apply
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their
team
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 and have
willingness
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a willingness
the willingness
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 to victory. And
spirit
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the spirit
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 of
competitiveness
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 always
pushs
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pushes
push
 them,
because
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and because
show examples
 of
this
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 they have
a
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apply
show examples
something to what they believe.
Moreover
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, competitions commence between two or more commands.
As a result
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, it gives them how to manage their emotions in a game and learn to win. In conclusion,
team
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games
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 are one of the most well-known types of
sports
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, and there are lots of
advantageous
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advantages
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,
for instance
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, helping
to
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apply
show examples
children
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 with
occuring
Verb problem
apply
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some soft skills
such
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 as
competitiveness
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 and
Use synonyms
team-working
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
.
Submitted by Alina on

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clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expanding and developing ideas more consistently. Make sure each main idea is fully explained and supported with examples.
logical structure
Enhance coherence by using a clearer structure and ensuring each paragraph flows logically into the next. Make use of transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.
complete response
The essay offers a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which fulfills the task response requirements.
introduction conclusion present
There is a clear introduction and conclusion which summarize the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Engage in team sports
  • Promote collaboration
  • Common goal
  • Nurturing a competitive spirit
  • Personal bests
  • Strategic decisions
  • Resilience
  • Face challenges
  • Holistic set of skills
  • Essential skills
  • Leadership qualities
  • Teamwork
  • Balance between collaboration and competition
  • Handling wins and losses gracefully
What to do next:
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