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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people are of the view that only university education can ensure success, whereas many others oppose this view. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #education #success
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in
modern
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the modern
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 era, a group of people hold the view that having
college
Correct article usage
a college
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 or
unversity
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university
degree
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 is very essential to success in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
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.
While
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 other folks believe that not necessary in current
life
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. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will discuss both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
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 and give my own opinion. On the one hand, it can be argued that
Correct article usage
a
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bachelor
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bachelor's
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, diploma, and other
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degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 are crucial to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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stable
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a stable
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life
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. There are several reasons.
Firstly
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, having
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degree
Correct article usage
a degree
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it
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apply
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will assist inhabitants
to gain
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in gaining
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 more knowledge about different
filds
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fields
such
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 as
social
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society
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, health, education,
cultrual
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culture
 and Others. Thereby, they will have more experience in their
life
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.
Secondly
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, if they have
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degree
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a degree
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in
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particular
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a particular
the particular
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 major
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for
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, for
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 instance, medicine or low, their salary might rise gradually.
For example
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, based on studies
conductied
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conducted
 by experts in the health sort, medical pupils studied
almost
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for almost
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 seven years,
therefore
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 they may have 1000 OMR each month.
Additionaly
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Additionally
, it could grow
significantlly
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significantly
.
on the other hand
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, recently, numerous
of
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apply
show examples
people
think
Wrong verb form
have thought
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 that there are many ways and forms to have
stable
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a stable
show examples
life
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. To illustrate,
business
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 is one of the main
method
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methods
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 that would help
person
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the person
a person
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.
Moreover
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, they believe that it is more useful and effective in our daily
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
This
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 is because they can
depends
Wrong verb form
depend
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in
Change preposition
on
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 their hard work, creativity, and dedication. Namely,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent studies have shown that most rich people build their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 on companies and
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 they created ,even
thought
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though
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 their major in college was completely different
on
Change preposition
from
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business
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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, their own
business
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 can provide more money than having degrees. In conclusion. In my perspective, I totally agree with the second view. The reason behind that
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that it will
gain
Verb problem
make
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 more money and it will impact positively
to
Change preposition
on
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 the individual's
life
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. I recommended authorities to encourage
teenager’s
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teenagers
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 to open
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
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 because I think it will be effect positively to the
economic
Replace the word
economy
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 of the nation.
Submitted by Memmm on

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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance sentence variety and reduce grammatical errors to improve coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to effectively support your main points.
introduction conclusion
Good introduction and conclusion. The essay addresses both views clearly.
task achievement
The main points are discussed logically, and you express your opinion clearly.
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