IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
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Nowadays, it has been several enhancements
of
Change preposition
to
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 many aspects
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 agricultural
technology
Use synonyms
. Despite
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that there are still numerous poor
people
Use synonyms
cannot
Correct pronoun usage
who cannot
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 eat in many
countries
Use synonyms
 around the globe. It is caused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural improvement
does
Verb problem
is
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 not widespread
to
Change preposition
in
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 some
countries
Use synonyms
, but it can be tackled by helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developing
countries
Use synonyms
 to advance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural
technology
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, it is already known that the new agricultural
Use synonyms
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 have not been in the same condition in all
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon
caused
Add a missing verb
is caused
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 by many underdeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
do
Correct pronoun usage
that do
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 not have any
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 in
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 agricultural
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and use conventional
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method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
instead
Linking Words
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these
countries
Use synonyms
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have any capable expertise in
agricultural
Add an article
the agricultural
show examples
 sector
as well as
Linking Words
 the funding from the government to operate using updated
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, research from the Wageningen University concluded that 50% of the agricultural nations are still using conventional irrigation
Use synonyms
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
;
hence
Linking Words
, they grow the
rice
Use synonyms
 inefficiently.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the number of
rice
Use synonyms
 harvested
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 insufficient even for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
local consumption.
However
Linking Words
, there is a possible solution that can be done to significantly improve the widespread of
technology
Use synonyms
, which is aiding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing
countries
Use synonyms
 with the new
technology
Use synonyms
 that has been invented. It can
be effectively solve
Change the verb form
effectively solve
show examples
 the case
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because developing
countries
Use synonyms
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 afford
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 new advancement of sophisticated things.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the new
technology
Use synonyms
 in agriculture will be the only way to get out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 hunger.
For instance
Linking Words
, Indonesia has helped Timor Leste by giving a thousand
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new tractors to plant the seed of
rice
Use synonyms
 which successfully help
increasing
Change the verb form
to increase
show examples
 45% of Timor Leste’s supply
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
rice
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
country’s
Change noun form
country
show examples
 reduced the proportion of poor
people
Use synonyms
 by using new
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 tools. In conclusion, we can find
hunger
Replace the word
hungry
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 around the world, even though the new
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 have innovated many new agricultural
Use synonyms
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon caused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
underdeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 not been applied the new tools, but it can be solved by supporting those
countries
Use synonyms
 with new advancements.
Submitted by handini.yuniarti on

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task response
The essay presents relevant ideas and examples, addressing both the causes of hunger despite advances in agriculture and suggesting solutions. However, there are some inconsistencies and inaccuracies in the explanation and analysis that could be improved for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize ideas and sentences in a more cohesive manner. While you have included an introduction and conclusion, ensuring smooth transitions between points can improve overall flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure with a defined introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
Provides relevant examples, like the example of Timor Leste and Indonesia, to support the main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
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