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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Online education is becoming increasingly popular. many students are choosing to study online instead of face-to-face education. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this new approach?

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Nowadays, traditional learning is becoming less preferred by pupils, and online education is gaining attention among
students
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.
This
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 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of both methods of learning, and give my own viewpoint on that. On the one hand, online education makes studying more flexible. In terms of resources, networking education helps
students
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 receive information immediately,
as well as
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 saved video courses. Recent studies have shown that high
school
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 seniors, who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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learn from
home
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 online, know complex data better than those who
studied
Wrong verb form
study
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 in
school
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. To demonstrate, in 2021, scholars from Cambridge University interviewed some senior participants who were at
school
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, and those who were at
home
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. Each participant
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 studied at
school
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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took at least 10-15
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 points on interview questions than those who took questions at
home
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.
On the other hand
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, network learning may have
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 influence on social or mental behaviour. Online lecturing is known to
limits
Wrong verb form
limit
show examples
 student social skills, and results introvertic side. Trends have shown that those
students
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 who prefer to take courses at
home
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 have fewer
friends
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 than those who take courses at
school
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. In 2018, a group of psychologists compared
students
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 who took network materials with those who learned traditionally. In fact, traditional learners had 5
friends
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 more than online
students
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, who have at most 1 or 2
friends
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.
To conclude
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, both methods of pupil learning have pros
as well as
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 cons. Online
students
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, in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact, had better
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
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at
Change preposition
on
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 exams and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of resources,
however
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, traditional learners have
sociallized
Correct your spelling
socialized
 space
such
Linking Words
 as
Correct article usage
the propotion
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propotion
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proportion
 of
friends
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. I believe, that
mixture
Correct article usage
a mixture
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 of
school
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 and at-
home
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 learning
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 crucial, and would be much better either in social skills or data resources.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the use of transition words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas. This will help the essay to flow more naturally from one point to another.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant examples to better support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and provide clearer evidence.
Grammar
Be careful to ensure grammatical accuracy throughout. Although small inaccuracies won't affect the score significantly, they can affect clarity.
Task Achievement
The essay presents both advantages and disadvantages of online education, providing a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points and providing a personal opinion.
Task Achievement
The essay attempts to use data and studies to support the main points, which is a good approach to making the arguments more credible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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