IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Of late, it is believed that students studying in secondary school and high school should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is a common belief learned about
manage
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managing
show examples
 buck in
secondary
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the secondary
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 academy and
high
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the high
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 hall was not significant for
Use synonyms
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
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students
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.
Body paragraph 1
However
Linking Words
, I firmly believe it is very important to learn how to manage currency in
department
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the department
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 because many high faculty
Use synonyms
student
Change to a plural noun
students
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 earned
fund
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funds
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 after
institute
Correct article usage
the institute
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 and they would
saw
Wrong verb form
see
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 advice about
manage
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managing
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 capital on
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 if
school
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the school
a school
show examples
doesn'
Wrong verb form
didn't
show examples
t
Use synonyms
 have regard lecture, but there were
lot
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a lot
show examples
 of not correctly
answer
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answered
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.
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
Linking Words
, many high university
Use synonyms
student
Change to a plural noun
students
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earned
Wrong verb form
earn
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check
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checks
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 when seminary
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class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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finished
Wrong verb form
finish
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.
Body paragraph 3
To elaborate, high discipline admission can be getting part
time
Correct your spelling
part-time
show examples
 job. so they earned
bill
Correct article usage
the bill
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 earlier. they have knowledge about how to earn payment.
in contrast
Linking Words
, they didn'
t
Use synonyms
 know how to manage that because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
none of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the class
show examples
class
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classes
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 about
manage
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managing
show examples
refund
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refunds
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.
Body paragraph 4
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent survey, a study reveals enlistment who had experienced
to earn
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earning
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wage
Correct article usage
a wage
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 spent much fund to buy
none
Correct pronoun usage
other
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 important
thing
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things
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 since money in
account
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the account
show examples
haven'
Correct subject-verb agreement
hasn't
show examples
t
Use synonyms
managed
Add a missing verb
been managed
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.
Body paragraph 5
On top of that, they would
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
clue
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clues
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 about
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
show examples
property
Add an article
the property
a property
show examples
 on websites if
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 doesn'
t
Use synonyms
have
Add the particle
have to
show examples
manage
Wrong verb form
managed
show examples
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
, but there were
lot
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a lot
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 of not
appromatively
Correct your spelling
approximatively
appreciatively
answer
Fix the agreement mistake
answers
show examples
.
Body paragraph 6
Additionally
Linking Words
, acceptance might
manage
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manage to
show examples
 pay
through
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in
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wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 ways. and they have
large
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a large
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 risk for
fund
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funds
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 or coins.
Body paragraph 7
One particular study,
for example
Linking Words
, indicates that accession
were
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was
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 very frustrated since many fake intelligence
upload
Fix the agreement mistake
uploads
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 on online websites. even they dropped to manage payment because of it.
Body paragraph 8
In conclusion, many high university
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
earned
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
 after seminary
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
. and they might
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 material about
manage
Change the verb form
managing
show examples
 cash on
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 if
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 have regard lecture, but there were
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
 of
not correctly
Replace the word
incorrect
show examples
answer
Correct subject-verb agreement
answers
show examples
. clearly support my view.
Conclusion
For these reasons, it is evident that it is most significant to learn how to manage
note
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notes
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 in
institution
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the institution
an institution
show examples
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the structure of your essay. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next. Use transition words to connect your ideas smoothly.
Task Achievement
Expand your ideas further to provide a more thorough and comprehensive response to the question. Discuss both sides of the argument for a balanced view.
General
Check your grammar and vocabulary to ensure clarity. Some phrases are awkward or unclear, which can distract from your main points.
Task Achievement
Include more specific, relevant examples that support your argument more strongly. Personal experience or well-known examples can enrich your essay.
Task Achievement
You have identified a relevant and current issue regarding teaching money management in schools.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance on the topic, providing a clear closing to your essay.
Task Achievement
The essay presents some interesting points about the need for money management education.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings culture
  • spending wisely
  • financial stability
  • responsibility
  • discipline
  • financial goals
  • long-term financial health
  • digital transactions
  • online banking
  • interest rates
  • investments
  • credit scores
  • debt management
  • academic pressures
  • curriculum balance
  • informed financial decisions
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