In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government have the responsibility to change the situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In most nations,
children
have been facing some problems Use synonyms
such
as Linking Words
obessity
and illness.Correct your spelling
obesity
there
is an Capitalize word
There
arguement
among some people that the government is responsible Correct your spelling
argument
to alter
the situation. In my way of thinking, authorities must Change preposition
for altering
adress
mentioned issues for reasons Correct your spelling
address
i
will discuss Change the capitalization
I
further
.
Linking Words
To begin
with,evident is the fact that Linking Words
obessity
stems from inactivity and Correct your spelling
obesity
low quality
diet.
gaining too much weight will cause myriad illnesses which can be lethal if patients Add a hyphen
low-quality
dont
control them. Correct your spelling
don't
Likewise
, Cardiovascular and digestive diseases Linking Words
is
very common among overweight people. Change the verb form
are
For instance
, Linking Words
according to
a Linking Words
reasearch
in 2022, about 30 Correct your spelling
research
percent
of overweight individuals die because of heart stroke.
Change the spelling
per cent
In about
twenty years ago, Change preposition
About
children
used to do more Use synonyms
phisycal activites
for their Correct your spelling
physical activities
entertainments
and ate more homemade foods.Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
Therfore
, gaining too much weight was very rare among kids. Correct your spelling
Therefore
However
, Linking Words
Correct article usage
a sedentry
sedentry
Correct your spelling
sedentary
life style
and Correct your spelling
lifestyle
fastfoods
are very common among Correct your spelling
fast food
children
these days which are Use synonyms
main
causes of Correct article usage
the main
obessity
.
Correct your spelling
obesity
finally
, authorities have money and power so they should take Linking Words
the
responsibility and be a Correct article usage
apply
helpfull
force to mitigate these problems .Correct your spelling
helpful
For example
, Linking Words
aknowledging
kids about Correct your spelling
acknowledging
adverse
effects of Correct article usage
the adverse
fastfoods
Correct your spelling
fast foods
by
advertisements may prevent them Change preposition
through
to consume
junk Change preposition
from consuming
foods
. Fix the agreement mistake
food
Moreover
, Linking Words
cunstructing
more areas to do more physical activities Correct your spelling
constructing
such
as sports can encourage Linking Words
children
to deter Use synonyms
thier
harmful leisure activities Correct your spelling
their
such
as playing with tablets all the time.
To sumLinking Words
, in
my opinion, governments should take Change preposition
up, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
responsibilty
as soon as possible and Correct your spelling
responsibility
adress
the problems Correct your spelling
address
i
mentioned, before they get out of hand.Change the capitalization
I
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coherence cohesion
Focus on paragraph structure, ensuring each paragraph contains a clear main idea and supporting details. Improve the logical flow between paragraphs for better readability.
task achievement
Ensure that all points you make are fully explained and developed. Add more specific examples or data for better support, especially when discussing government responsibilities and actions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The task is addressed, and there's a clear stance on the role of government responsibility in tackling children's obesity and health issues.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.