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Band 7

The first chart illustrates the proportion of residents possessing computer from 2002 to 2010. The second bar chart compares the percentage of people who owned computer by level of their education between 2002 and 2010.

The first chart illustrates the proportion of residents possessing computer from 2002 to 2010. The second bar chart compares the percentage of people who owned computer by level of their education between 2002 and 2010.
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The bar charts compare the contribution of
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
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 between 2002 and 2010. The second bar chart gives the
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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in
Change preposition
for
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 five different education levels.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 had a growth.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it had a rise in education level throughout the period.
According to
Linking Words
 the first bar chart,
computer
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ownership
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 stood at approximately 60% at the beginning of the year.
Then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 proportion rose markedly to 40% in 2008.After that, it continued to soar to 70%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the foundation had the highest share of
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 in 2002 (75%),
while
Linking Words
 ho high school diploma had the lowest proportion of
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
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 in 2002 (15%), with the former
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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an increase to 95% and the latter went up to just over 40%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. Bachelor's degree ranked second with 70% in 2002,
whereas
Linking Words
 college stood third with about 55% in 2002. Afterwards, both education levels climbed to 90% and 85%, respectively, in 2010.
Finally
Linking Words
, high school graduates had the smallest contribution of
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 with 35% at the beginning of the time. Following that, it surged moderately to 65% in 2010

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, ownership with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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