IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries and shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Authorities should prohibit the use of mobile
phones
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 in public spaces like libraries, stores, and on public transport.
This
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 essay strongly disagrees with
this
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 idea, because of the significant notifications and daily phone use. People should not ban mobile
phones
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 in public places, because a lot of people have to check their notifications all the time if there are any important messages or calls that they are waiting for.
For example
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, someone who did an occupation interview for his role, and he was waiting for a call from the employer if he got the role position or not,
that is
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 the first reason why I disagree. Another reason why the government should not ban mobile
phones
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 is because many people put their trust in their mobile
phones
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 for their daily use.
For example
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, if someone was in the shop and wanted to buy some shoes.
However
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, he forgot to bring his wallet he can easily pay by his phone to get the payment done. In conclusion, mobile
phones
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 are important in our lives and they can be used anywhere, and they should not be banned by the authorities in public places.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the transition between ideas. For example, after introducing an example, clearly tie it back to the main argument or point being made. This will help readers easily follow the flow of ideas within the paragraph.
task achievement
To further strengthen task achievement, include a more diverse range of examples to illustrate your points. Instead of using somewhat generic examples, think about specific scenarios or data that more vividly demonstrate your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and structured response to the prompt, discussing the disagreement with banning mobile phones in public places. This direct approach addresses the task appropriately.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of the essay are present and effectively encapsulate the overall argument. This structure supports the clarity of your position on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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