IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

obesity is a wide spread helth issue. what are the causes and impacts on society?

in the contemporary world,
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 are facing various issues in
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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obesity
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one concerning health problem. there are abundant
of
Change preposition
apply
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reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 behind
this
Linking Words
 problem and with the increasing trend of
this
Linking Words
, it has negative effects on society. the main cause behind
this
Linking Words
 is instant
food
Use synonyms
, which is famous in every age group. folk prefer to eat
this
Linking Words
 ready-to-eat meal because of less time.
For example
Linking Words
, society are having hectic schedules
due to
Linking Words
 which they prefer canned
food
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of preparing
food
Use synonyms
 at home in order to save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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time. but these instant foods are not healthy because of unhealthy ingredients present in these for their long-lasting usage.
apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, opening restaurants on every corner of the city and increasing advertisements for these types of
food
Use synonyms
 is another reason to attract more public toward
this
Linking Words
.
this
Linking Words
 trend has numerous bad impacts not only on obese people but
also
Linking Words
 on society
too
Rephrase
apply
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. with
this
Linking Words
 significant inclined in the number of
obesity
Use synonyms
 cases, the healthcare system faces a huge burden.
In a
Change preposition
A
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 recent survey held in India shows that they notice
the
Correct article usage
apply
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heart-attack cases in every age group become more common than in the past
obesity
Use synonyms
 and the government put half of its budget only into health care system because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people are
easy
Replace the word
easily
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 to
prone
Correct word choice
apply
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other diseases
also
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 as cholesterol, high blood pressure etcetera
due to
Linking Words
 high level of fatty acids in their body.
to conclude
Linking Words
,
obesity
Use synonyms
 is a debatable issue because of junk
food
Use synonyms
 popularity and bad eating habits which cause negative effects on the country's health system and budget.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task, but try to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Make sure each point links clearly to the question and expands on the causes and impacts of obesity. Adding more specific examples would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a basic logical structure, but it could benefit from more seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion which summarize the main argument effectively.
task achievement
You identified a relevant cause (instant food) and discussed its implications on health, which shows good engagement with the task.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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