IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is better to move to other countries for greater work and life opportunities. Others argue that it is best to stay in their home country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The opportunities to
word
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work
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 abroad are more today than they have ever been in
history
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the history
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 of mankind. The big planet
earth
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Earth
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 has become a small global village and
soveriegn
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sovereign
 barriers seem to have disappeared.
While
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 working in a foreign country, some individual take their family with them.
This
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 situation has
both
Use synonyms
 merits
as well as
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 demerits but definitely the pros outweigh the cons. There are many obvious benefits of going abroad to work
along with
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 family.
To begin
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 with, individuals have more bonding with family, the family relations is not
weakend
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weakened
 by distance, some couple
finally
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end
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ends
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 up in divorce, as one or
both
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 of them cannot adjust in
foriegn coutry
Correct your spelling
foreign country
 and return home thereby missing the golden opportunity of working abroad. The most important point is that children, especially
who
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those who
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 are
in
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at
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young
Correct article usage
a young
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ages
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age
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, need
the
Correct article usage
apply
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care from
both
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 parents. Childhood is a crucial phase of life and comes only once. If children are deprived of one
parent
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parent's
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 love, it may have a considerable impact on their psyche.
Therefore
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 working abroad with family can provide complete love and care to the children.
On the other hand
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, there are some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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of
Change preposition
with
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 working abroad with families.
To begin
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 with, living with family
member
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members
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 abroad means more expenses. A single person can share a room with someone in the initial stages but a complete family needs a proper house. What is more, all the members face
stress
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the stress
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 of adaption to alien surrounding parents
themselve
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themselves
 feel culture shock and
therefore
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 cannot help their
childrens
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children
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.;
To conclude
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, there are
both
Use synonyms
 advantages and disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
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 any choice of
this
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 issue. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that people should decide
according to
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 their specific circumstances. If there are financial
constrainst
Correct your spelling
constraints
constraint
,
then
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 it is better to go alone
initially
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,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 the family should be called as early as possible.

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent use of punctuation, especially in separating complex sentences, to enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded discussion of the topic, considering both advantages and disadvantages of working abroad with family.
coherence cohesion
Good structure with clear paragraphs that separate different parts of the argument, including an introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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