IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think parents should control the behaviour of children from a very young age but others think we should give them more freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #control #behaviour #children #age #freedom
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The debate over whether parents should strictly
control
Use synonyms
 their
children
Use synonyms
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 from a very young
age
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 or allow
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 more freedom is a hot topic.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and I will provide my opinion later. On the one hand, some
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that parents should
control
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 their
children
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a young
age
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 to ensure their safety and well-being.
This
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persective enhansizes
Correct your spelling
perspective emphasises
 that
children
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, at a young
age
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, do not possess sufficient judgement
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, parental guidance can help them avoid potential dangers and poor
desicions
Correct your spelling
decisions
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some who
supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
show examples
children
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 should grow freely believe that
this
Linking Words
 way can help
chirldren
Correct your spelling
children
 develop their creativity and
independance
Correct your spelling
independence
. Allowing
children
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exploretheir
Correct your spelling
explore their
 interests and make
desicions
Correct your spelling
decisions
 can enhance their
problem-soving
Correct your spelling
problem-solving
 skills and boost their confidence.
For example
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,
children
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 who are given the freedom to choose their activities often develop a strong sense of
identify
Replace the word
identity
show examples
 and self-worth.
This
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apporch
Correct your spelling
approach
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 them
learn
Add the particle
to learn
show examples
 from their mistakes and cultivate
the
Change the word
their
show examples
self- learning
Correct your spelling
self-learning
show examples
 ability. In my opinion, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the former.
For
Change preposition
Children
show examples
children
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 at
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 1-3,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have no idea about danger, even if at home,
such
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 as gas
stove
Fix the agreement mistake
stoves
show examples
 and sharp objects. So parents'
control
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 is necessary
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 protect them. Parental guidance can
also
Linking Words
 sow the seeds of correct values in
children
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, helping them make
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
chioces
Correct your spelling
choices
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 freedom can promote the development of
children
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's
personality
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personalities
show examples
, I believe that
control
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 remains necessary during their early stages of growth.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Expand on the supporting examples. Using more specific examples can strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases more frequently to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and minor grammatical errors for better clarity.
task achievement
Develop ideas more comprehensively in each body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on the issue, providing a balanced view.
task achievement
You present your opinion clearly and relevantly in the last paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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