IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that it would be beneficial if employees worked three or four days per week rather than five or six days. Why is this? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is a debate among individuals some believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should solely
work
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 for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
days
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
week
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while
Linking Words
 others say working five
days
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 during weekdays would be
advantages
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advantageous
show examples
.
However
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,I personally believe that humans should only
work
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 for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
days
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.In the upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss my viewpoints. As far as the reasons behind employees working hours are
considered
Verb problem
concerned
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.The first and foremost cause is that they can
purse
Correct your spelling
pursue
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 their hobbies in
the
Change the word
their
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 leisure time.If they
work
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 three or four
days
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
week
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than
Correct your spelling
then
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 they have 3
days
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 left in which they can spend
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 some shopping or going outdoors like playing games. The other fundamental reason is that working parents can supervise their children at home during
weekend
Add an article
the weekend
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. Not only they can spend some quality time with them but
also
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 help
juvenile
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juveniles
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 to pass with flying colours.
In addition
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 to
this
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,
people
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 can join gymnastics and do some meditation daily in order to stay healthy and fit.
People
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 who are working five
days
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are becoming couch potatoes and not able to enjoy
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 lifestyle.To cite an example,researchers showed that workers had
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 working hours as compared to those who
work
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 five
days
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 ,they are more healthier than others.
To conclude
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that
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apply
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,
although
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 some folks claim that
people
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 need to
work
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whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
week
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 during weekdays
but
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apply
show examples
I personally believe that
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
days
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
week
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 are beneficial for individuals.As they can easily
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the demands of their family as well enjoy their interests
according to
Linking Words
 their taste.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and logical structure, ensure each paragraph clearly connects to the previous one, with smooth transitions and a more clearly defined flow of ideas. Consider using linking words like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', etc., to guide the reader.
Task Achievement
Ensure each main point in your essay is supported with specific, relevant examples. Try to integrate examples from real-world contexts or personal experience as evidence for your points.
Task Achievement
Avoid overusing informal expressions like 'flying colours' and aim for more academic language suitable for an IELTS essay.
Task Achievement
Develop each point more fully to ensure comprehensive coverage of the topic. Each paragraph should explore a single point or idea in depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear stance on the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing potential benefits of a reduced work week.
Task Achievement
The language used in discussing hobbies, family time, and physical health demonstrates an understanding of diverse topic facets.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • productive
  • workplace stress
  • employee well-being
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon emissions
  • traffic congestion
  • flexibility
  • personal interests
  • implementation
  • workload
  • customer service
  • business operations
What to do next:
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