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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

(Bar Chart) The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day

(Bar Chart) The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day
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The first bar chart depicts the percentages of
women
Use synonyms
 and men included in housework from one country,
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 bar chart illustrates the number of time each gender does spend on each task per day.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from both
cahrt
Correct your spelling
charts
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 had worked and
also
Linking Words
 spent on time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cooking and cleaning
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than
melels
Correct your spelling
men
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
the meles
show examples
meles
Correct your spelling
males
 did work on
house
Use synonyms
reapering
Correct your spelling
rearing
 meanwhile
women
Use synonyms
 had
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
lowest
Correct your spelling
less
show examples
involved
Replace the word
involvement
show examples
 in
house
Use synonyms
repairing
Change the form of the verb
repairs
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked in cooking which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
80% and
Use synonyms
meles
Change the capitalization
Meles
show examples
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 cooking around 60%. second housework where
women
Use synonyms
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 working in cleaning that was 60% as a before
Use synonyms
meles
Correct your spelling
meals
 were lowest in cleaning it was around 40%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
mele
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
 and
women
Use synonyms
 were equal in pet care approximately 20%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 spent most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cooking which was
80min
Correct your spelling
80 minutes
,
Use synonyms
meles
Change the capitalization
Meles
show examples
 spent
60min
Correct your spelling
60 minutes
.
while
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 had spent around 65min in cleaning,
meles
Use synonyms
 spent hardly 45min.
while
Linking Words
 both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 spent
equal
Change the adjective
equally
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 pet care
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 20min,
lastly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
meles
Change the capitalization
Meles
males
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent 20min on
house
Use synonyms
 repairing,
Use synonyms
women
Correct word choice
and women
show examples
 hardly spent 15min
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
house
Use synonyms
repairing
Change the form of the verb
repairs
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, meles, house, min with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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