Some people think that it is an individual responsibilty to take care of an environment but others think it is government's job to do so. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

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Although
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many humans
supported
Wrong verb form
support
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that they should
taking
Change the verb form
take
be taking
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care of their environment without including the organisation,
however
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, others believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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must take action to get rid
off
Replace the word
of
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environmental problems.
Therefore
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, I personally support the point that the state should impose regulations to avoid global warming,
land
Correct word choice
and land
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degradation to mention but a few.
To begin
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with, if the community protect their land against soil erosion, they will be covered and sustained from hunger.To give a clear example, in Africa, usually they expect high rainfall all the time of rain seasons with thunderstorms,
thus
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, the society should take responsibility
in
Change preposition
for
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creating
drainage
Correct article usage
a drainage
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system for them to survive in their future lives.
This
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can
be happen
Change the verb form
happen
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if the local people dig and make proper drains and avoid
veld
Correct your spelling
wild
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fires to keep their soil intact,
hence
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, when the rain reason approaches their food crops
as well as
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fruit trees will be safe from land degradation.
On the other hand
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, the
government
Use synonyms
should put restrictions
to
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on
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the people so that if someone
don't
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doesn't
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obey those rules will be punished,
this
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can be the state's job and
also
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use their equipment and machinery to the society against global warming.
For instance
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, in Europe, the states introduced electric vehicles and hybrid cars with zero smoke which cannot
acceralate
Correct your spelling
accelerate
bad weather conditions and
this
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can keep their countries with green beautiful scenes.To add on, no one can doubt that it is
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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work to protect the environment. In conclusion, some communities think that only individuals should take
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the environment, on the other side, others support that it is
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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duty to take care and I
also
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support that same view.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Clarify the main points of both sides of the argument to improve coherence. You have acknowledged both perspectives, but the clarity and depth of explanation can be enhanced.
General
Try to use more diverse vocabulary and sophisticated sentence structures to achieve a higher band score.
General
Be careful with some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'taking care' instead of 'take care,' and 'get rid off' instead of 'get rid of.'
Task Achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, giving your opinion clearly and how you support it.
Task Achievement
You've included examples that strengthen your argument, such as mentioning Africa and Europe.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good effort in structuring paragraphs and building a logical flow of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • individual responsibility
  • government's job
  • environmental protection
  • carbon footprint
  • personal accountability
  • behavioral change
  • education and awareness
  • large-scale policies
  • emissions controls
  • deforestation monitoring
  • compliance
  • grassroots support
  • systemic level
  • sustainable technologies
  • collaborative efforts
  • fund research and development
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